Friday, January 26, 2007

No, no just no

The story:
In a story that he must have planted himself as some kind of sick twisted practical joke, George Clooney is reportedly dating Pamela Anderson.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: George Clooney hates his penis
Cele|bitchy says: George Clooney get your cootie shots!
CelebNewsWire says: Does this mean a George Clooney public face-licking is in our future?
Dlisted says: This isn't helping those gay rumors
Faded Youth says: Does George Clooney have a new beard?
Gabsmash says: Pam Anderson is dating George Clooney
The Superficial says: Pamela Anderson and George Clooney might be dating

Who said it best:
Cele|bitchy is looking on the bright side:
The only good thing about this hook-up is that we can be sure it won’t last long.
Image via Agent Bedhead

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Thursday, January 25, 2007

Kfed not even employable in fast food industry

The story:
The National Restaurant Association was insulted by Kfed's depiction of a fast food worker in an upcoming commercial to be aired during the Super Bowl.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Federline ad angers restaurant industry
A Socialite's Life says: Kevin Federline's Super Bowl ad causing drama
Celebrity Hijinx says: Fast food workers and their dying souls
Defamer says: Fast food industry bristles at suggestion that Kfed is qualified to work drive thru window
Faded Youth says: Kfed disgraces the fast food industry
Mollygood says: Federline vs Fast Food Nation
Starpulse News says: Kevin Federline commercial angers fast food workers

Who said it best:
Defamer thinks the NRA is kicking the Kfed while he's down:
Federline just can't seem to catch a break, however, as his biggest gig since, well, ever, is now under fire from a restaurant association that takes issue with the commercial's implication that a fate of flipping burgers was somehow less desirable than, say, spending your days getting baked in your birthday Lamborghini.


Paris' privates on view for $40

The story:
A new website is selling off some of Paris Hilton's belongings that were left in a storage locker, including nude photos and video.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Paris Hilton for sale
Best Week Ever says: Latest scandalous "Paris site" confirms everything we already knew about Paris Hilton
Cele|bitchy says: Paris' precious moments
CelebNewsWire says: "I got f*cked in the butt for coke!"
Defamer says: Today's opportunity to see Paris Hilton engaging in videotaped sex acts
Dlisted says: Do you really want to see Paris taking a bubble bath?
Egotastic says: Paris Hilton exposed...again
FHollywood Rag says: Paris Hilton exposed
I Don't Like You In That Way says: You can buy Paris Hilton's crap
Mollygood says: Paris Hilton overexposed
Popsugar says: Paris very very very exposed
The Superficial says: Paris Hilton gets exposed
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Paris Hilton is for sale

Who said it best:
No need to spend the 40 bucks yourself when Best Week Ever will sum up the site's contents for you:
So there you have it - sift through a little of Paris’ trashy trash and have your minds blown by all the documented evidence suggesting that she’s kind of slutty and stupid.

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Deviated septum?

The story:
Jennifer Aniston reportedly had work done on her nose to correct a deviated septum.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Jennifer Aniston gives the ol' schaz an overhaul
Best Week Ever says: Jen will become prettier than Angelina, even if it takes all the plastic surgery in the world
Dlisted says: Did Aniston get a nose job?
I'm Not Obsessed says: Jennifer Aniston had work done on her nose
Lainey Gossip says: Deviated septum is the new appendicitis
Mollygood says: Jen changes noses mid-fame
Popsugar says: The one where Jennifer Aniston fixes botched surgery
The Superficial says: Jennifer Aniston gets another nose job

Who said it best:
The Superficial may have found the real reason behind the repair work:
This all feels like a sad attempt to get Brad Pitt back. Next she's gonna get some boob implants, hire some model/actor to play her boyfriend, and then accidentally run into Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at their home wearing lingerie. "Oh, what are the odds of seeing you here? Oops, I dropped my pencil."
Image via Yeeeah

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Thursday, January 18, 2007

A years worth of AA may finally pay off

The story:
In the least surprising news since Britney Spears kicked Kfed to the curb, Lindsay Lohan finally checked into rehab.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Lindsay Lohan takes the cure
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay Lohan checks herself into rehab!
Celebrity Hijinx says: Le fall de la Lohan
Cele|bitchy says: Lohan's in rehab
CelebNewsWire says: Lindsay Lohan rehabs self
Defamer says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab, taking first step towards becoming fully adequite
Dlisted says: Blohan goes to rehab
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab, hell freezes over
Faded Youth says: The inevitable happens: Lilo enters rehab
Glitterati Gossip says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab
Haute Gossip says: Blohan's entered rehab
Hollywood Rag says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Lindsay Lohan goes to rehab
I'm Not Obsessed says: Lindsay Lohan checks into rehab
Lainey Gossip says: Saving Lindsay Lohan
Mollygood says: Time to (ade)quit drinking
Popsugar says: Lohan enters rehab!!
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: About time...Lindsay Lohan in rehab
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab
Tabloid Whore says: Lindsay Lohan finally enters rehab
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab
Yeeeah says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab

Who said it best:
Haute Gossip thinks Linds is just following the trend here:
Seriously, rehab is the new black ain't it? All the cool kids get hooked and then check in.
Image via Best Week Ever

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Is there another bun in that overexposed oven?

The story:
Britney Spears is rumoured to be pregnant with her 3rd child. No word on who the father might be.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Britney has got to keep her knees shut
A Socialite's Life says: Oh Brit-Brit, say it ain't so
Best Week Ever says: Out of ideas for improving her image, has Britney gotten herself pregnant again?
Celebitchy says: Please don't let Britney be pregnant again
Defamer says: Does Britney have a bun of indeterminate parentage in the oven?
Dlisted says: Is Brit Brit knocked up again?
Egotastic says: Please tell me Britney Spears isn't pregnant again
Popsugar says: Britney pregnant again???
Tabloid Whore says: Rumors swirl that Britney is pregnant again
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Again?

Who said it best:
Best Week Ever can smell a comeback in the works:
But what better way to repair her polluted reputation in the eye of the press than bringing another life into the world, perhaps one who’s not even sure which wifebeater-wearing Vanilla Ice wannabe is its father - and is likely braindamaged due to its mother’s constantly mainlining Smirnoff Ice mixed with Red Bull?

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Saturday, January 13, 2007

Hey hey Paula

The story:
Paula Abdul appeared to be drunk on a morning talk show.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Paula Abdul is high
Best Week Ever says: Yay! Paula Abdul is drunker than ever!
Defamer says: Paula Abdul suspicious incoherence preview
Dlisted says: Paula Abdul: "I've never been drunk in my life!"
Evilbeet says: Paula Abdul absolutely blasted out of her mind
Faded Youth says: Mmmm....painkillers
Gawker says: Paula Abdul, drunker than usual even on live TV
Glitterati Gossip says: Paula Abdul: back on the sauce?
Haute Gossip says: Paula is my new favourite
Hollywood Rag says: What's wrong with Paula Abdul?
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Paula Abdul is a mess
Mollygood says: Paula Abdul has never been drunk
The Superficial says: Paula Abdul promotes American Idol, forgets her brain
Tabloid Whore says: Oh Paula
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Paula Abdul is drunk. Again.

Who said it best:
I Don't Like You In That Way is impressed with Paula's range:
It's one of the best Kirk Douglas impressions I've seen. I didn't know she was this talented.

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Friday, January 12, 2007

Now we now where Lilo gets the classy from

The story:
Dina Lohan was spotted in a NY restaurant being digitally serviced by a male friend.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Dina Lohan's gonna fake an appendectomy any day now
Celebitchy says: Lindsay's mom gets fingered at dinner
CelebNewsWire says: Ali Lohan sure has a lot to live up to
Celebrity Hijinx says: Dina's dining etiquette
Dlisted says: Like daughter, like mother and vice versa
Faded Youth says: The one-finger salute
Haute Gossip says: Mama Lohan gets fingered
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Dina Lohan is slutty too
Lainey Gossip says: Dina Lohan, finger follies
Mollygood says: Dinasaurus enjoys the digital age
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Dina Lohan is friendly
Yeeeah says: Lohan DNA ripe with skankiness

Who said it best:
CelebNewsWire knows there is a plausible explanation for all this:
We're sure the kindly gentleman had heard about Lindsay's recent battle with appendicitis and, fearing such things run in families, was checking for inflammation. He was concerned about Dina's health, obviously.
Image via Lainey Gossip


Any warm-blooded mammal will do

The story:
Tara Reid is Down Under doing some paid promotional work, which included swimming with dolphins.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Tara Reid gives dolphin mouth AIDS
Dlisted says: What has this dolphin done to deserve this?
Faded Youth says: A day in the life of Tara Reid
The Gilded Moose says: Blowhole violated
I'm Not Obsessed says: Tara Reid swims with a dolphin
Mollygood says: God, Tara, stop looking so desparate
TMZ says: Tara Reid gets fishy down under

Who said it best:
Dlisted is putting a call in to PETA:
When asked about his experience, the dolphin said “I have warts on my damn a-hole! WARTS ON MY A-HOLE! Who’s going to love me now? They paid me overtime for this, but still! My life is over! What was magical for her was a nightmare for me!”
Image via Dlisted


Thursday, January 11, 2007

Bionic Bikini Woman, starring Lindsay Lohan

The story:
Lindsay Lohan was photographed running down the street in Miami wearing high heels, a bikini, and holding a cigarette. No, really! Here's the full picture to prove it.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Run Lohan run
Best Week Ever says: Last call at the cabana bar
CelebNewsWire says: Running with ciggers
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan thinks she's on Baywatch
Mollygood says: Physical fitness the Lohan way
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan runs down the street in her bikini
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Cigarettes must be on sale

Who said it best:
Egotastic may have an explanation:
Maybe she just heard the news that her liver is fucked, and she's running to the grocery store to get a new one. Unfortunately for her, there's a dress code at the grocery store, and paté isn't going to do her much good.
Image via Agent Bedhead

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Here come the Beckhams

The story:
David Beckham has signed to play for the MLS LA Galaxy starting in August.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: David Beckham and his wife's boobies kiss Europe goodbye
A Socialite's Life says: "Give me your perfectly manicured, your trendy. Your well coiffed masses..."
Best Week Ever says: Posh and Becks to begin stealing valuable American oxygen
Defamer says: British tabloid industry reaches landmark deal to export leading attention whores to Los Angeles
Dlisted says: The Becks are coming!!!
Haute Gossip says: Beckham now the 250 million dollar man
Hollywood Rag says: The Beckhams are coming to LA
I'm Not Obsessed says: David Beckham really does love me
Lainey Gossip says: Becks: exit Spain, enter LA
Mollygood says: David Beckham moves to LA, takes up important role as Maddox's personal coach
Popsugar says: The Beckhams are coming to America
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Posh scores her goal! David Beckham signs with the LA Galaxy
The Superficial says: David and Victoria Beckham moving to America

Who said it best:
For Defamer, the "Made in America" label still means something:
We are wholeheartedly against the idea of foreign attention whores stealing away scarce Lohan-diddling and vagina-flashing opportunities from our homegrown celebutards, and we'd rather see our native paparazzi burn down Los Angeles rather than forfeit their turf to the coming wave of alien guerrilla photographers who will soon be dispatched to document the Beckhams' every Starbucks visit.


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Drew not so Fab anymore

The story:
Drew Barrymore and her boyfriend of 5 years Fabrizio Morettie have broken up again.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Drew Barrymore and BF "on a break"
Dlisted says: Cameron's bff also newly single
EFaded Youth says: Another Hollywood break-up
I'm Not Obsessed says: Drew Barrymore splits with Fabrizio Moretti
Lainey Gossip says: Drew and Fab: over...again?
Popsugar says: Drew and Fabrizio on another break
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Drew Barrymore no longer has mad love for Fabrizio Moretti?

Who said it best:
A Socialite's Life sees the writing on the wall as far as any reunion goes:
"Drew said they needed time off." And I think we all know what that means. That's right, the sputtering death throes of a relationship usually involve a few "breaks" before the break-up actually takes.

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Marilyn Manson is really creeeeeeepy

The story:
Marilyn Manson is reportedly getting it on with 19-year old Evan Rachel Wood.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Marilyn Manson: one bitch is as good as another
A Socialite's Life says: Evan Rachel Wood REALLY wants to stick it to her parents
Celebitchy says: Marilyn Manson dating Evan Rachel Wood?
CelebNewsWire says: Evan Rachel Wood becomes Marilyn Manson's disposable teen
Dlisted says: Evan Rachel Wood is stupido
Egotastic says: Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson shouldn't be dating
Glitterati Gossip says: Evan Rachel Wood a factor in the Manson / Von Teese split
Hollywood Rag says: Marilyn Manson dating a 19-year old
I'm Not Obsessed says: Marilyn Manson has moved on with Evan Rachel Wood
Mollygood says: Marilyn Manson is dating Evan Rachel Wood, obviously
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Is Marilyn Manson dating an actress half his age?
Tabloid Whore says: Evan Rachel Wood dating Marilyn Manson??
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson

Who said it best:
Mollygood is not surprised by this hookup:
Well I, for one, totally saw this couple coming. I mean, really guys, you're pretty blind if you didn't call this pairing from miles away.
Image via A Socialite's Life


Paris to concentrate on acting

The story:
Parasite Hilton's New Year's resolution is to seriously concentrate on her acting career. Seriously.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Someone give that woman an Oscar
Celebslam says: "One Night in Paris" wins Best Actress Oscar
Celebrity Hijinx says: Brace yourself: Paris Hilton is one book away from being a serious actress
Dlisted says: Paris Hilton is the next Meryl Streep
Hollywood Rag says: Paris Hilton actually reads
Metadish says: Paris Hilton is ready to get serious
Mollygood says: Paris Hilton is comedy gold
The Superficial says: Paris Hilton is a serious actress

Who said it best:
Celebrity Hijinx thinks Hilton's upcoming pic has a good chance at being better than any of her previous projects:

The atomic bomb of her debut album apparently erased any memory of the previous atomic bombs of her acting gigs: ‘House of Wax’ and ‘Pledge This!’ She now wants to become a serious actress and is going to prove it to us in her upcoming romantic comedy ‘The Hottie and the Nottie,' (I smell an Oscar). She is determined for it to be her best big screen project to date - a bar set as high as a limbo stick at a cockroach birthday party.
Well, she's had a lot of experience acting surprised when her nips and cooter slip out.

Image via FlyNetOnline

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Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Rosie and Donald and Barbara, oh my

The story:
Barabara Walters has been dragged into the feud between The Donald and Rosie.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: As the war slowly becomes a quagmire
A Socialite's Life says: Rosie and Trump: round 34,673 alpha quadrant niner
Celebitchy says: Trump can't let it go
Celebrity Hijinx says: Somebody fire Donald Trump
Defamer says: Donald Trump sends Rosie O'Donnell and family his regards
Dlisted says: Trump's letter to Rosie
Faded Youth says: Round 10
Haute Gossip says: More schoolkid mudslinging, Trump styles
I'm Not Obsessed says: Donald Trump writes to Rosie O'Donnell
Lainey Gossip says: Cagematch at The View
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Round whatever: Rosie vs The Donald
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Rosie got PWN3D. Again. Bad.

Who said it best:
Agent Bedhead doesn't see an end in site to this one:
The Rosie O’Donnell-Donald Trump feud was amusing for about ten minutes, but now the inevitable has happened. It’s become ugly and tedious and interminable, because both of these people are physically incapable of shutting the hell up.
Image via Celebrity Hijinx

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Monday, January 08, 2007

JT and ScarJo hook up

The story:
Justin Timberlake is reportedly hooking up with Scarlett Johannson.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Yet another reason to hate Justin Timberlake
A Socialite's Life says: JT confirms it's over with Diaz
Celebitchy says: Justin Timberlake and Scarlett Johannson? Doubtful
Dlisted says: Upgrade
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Cameron Diaz is forgettable

Who said it best:
If this rumour is true, then I Don't Like You In That Way thinks there's no hope for Cameron Diaz:
Choosing between Scarlett Johansson and Cameron Diaz is like choosing between a porter house steak and a corn dog that's been dropped in a urinal.

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Keira Knightley is skinny

The story:
Keira Knightley spent some time on the beach in Hawaii with her boyfriend.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Keira Knightley shows off her bikini bod
Celebitchy says: Keira Knightley in a bikini shows her relationship, diet are super-controlled
Dlisted says: Skinny ho
Egotastic says: The Keira Knightley nipple slip that almost was
Faded Youth says: Beach Body Alert: Keira Knightley edition
Hollywood Rag says: Keira Knightley is ultra fragile
I'm Not Obsessed says: It is your DUTY to go and eat a twinkie right now!
Lainey Gossip says: Keira Knightley: nature or torture?
Mollygood says: Keira narrowly avoids nip slip while showing off her washboard abs
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Keira Knightley and her boyfriend both have six packs
The Superficial says: Keira Knightley is way too fat
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Keira is in Hawaii. Hawaii, yaay!

Who said it best:
I'm Not Obsessed had a strange reaction to the photos:
I just got so hungry. Is that normal?
Image via Flynetonline

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That ain't no way, to buy a baby!

The story:
Angelina Jolie would not adopt a baby from a country where adoption is illegal, such as Malawi.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Angelina works one in on Madonna
A Socialite's Life says: Angelina slams Madonna's illegal adoption
Celebitchy says: Angelina Jolie answers Madonna's dig, one ups her
Dlisted says: Fighting words
Hollywood Rag says: Angelina Jolie weighs in on Madonna's adoption
I'm Not Obsessed says: Angelina Jolie on Madonna's adoption
Popsugar says: Angelina attacks Madonna
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Angelina Jolie uses some fighting words against Madonna
The Superficial says: Angelina Jolie thinks she's better than Madonna
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Angelina hates Madonna

Who said it best:
Dlisted hopes this doesn't turn into another celebrity feud:
Can’t we just get along? Angelina is not the queen of adoption! Mia Farrow is!
Image via A Socialite's Life

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Friday, January 05, 2007

Brit's message to 2 remaining 'fans'

The story:
Britney posted another message on her website.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Britney speaks
Defamer says: Britney Spears pledges to be bigger, better vagina-flasher going forward
Dlisted says: Britney writes a letter
Faded Youth says: Britney takes to her website again
Haute Gossip says: Britney speaks
Hollywood Rag says: Britney Spears latest message on her website
I'm Not Obsessed says: Britney Spears' online message to her fans
Lainey Gossip says: Britney's mea culpa
Mollygood says: Britney stays home long enough to write you a letter
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Another serious message from Britney Spears on her site
The Superficial says: Britney Spears is losing it
Tabloid Whore says: Britney Spears reaches out to fans: "I know I've been far from perfect"

Who said it best:
Defamer doesn't think Brit can lay the blame on the pappies for this one:
We're not exactly sure what Spears' promise to come back "better than ever" entails, but we suspect that's she already booked her laser vagina-rejuvenation surgery, determined that she won't again have her image so easily tarnished by the cruel lenses of the cooch-exaggerating media.


Break up with the make up

The story:
Dita Von Teese is divorcing Marilyn Manson.

Dlisted says: Dita wants out
Faded Youth says: Another one bites the dust
Hollywood Rag says: Dita Von Teese files for divorce from Marilyn Manson
I'm Not Obsessed says: Dita Von Teese is divorcing Marilyn Manson!
Popsugar says: Dita drops Manson
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Marilyn Manson is no longer Dita Von Teese's MAC daddy
Tabloid Whore says: I'd divorce him too

Who said it best:
CelebNewsWire takes Von Teese at her word:
And when she says "too many demons," she means it literally. He keeps them as pets. Dita is tired of them trip-trapping around their home with their cloven hooves and leaving diabolical little stools on the flotaki rug.
Image via Tabloid Whore


Thursday, January 04, 2007

Love's resolutions

The story:
Courtney Love published a list of New Year's resolutions on her website.

The combatants:
CelebNewsWire says: Courtney Love: new year, new horse
Celebrity Hijinx says: New Years Recseroautions./sr. I mean 'resolutions'
Defamer says: Courtney Love pledges to stay pissed off, block out demon voices in '07
The Gilded Moose says: The Gilded Moose Red Pen: Courtney Love's New Year's resolutions
I'm Not Obsessed says: Courtney Love's New Year's resolution list
Metadish says: Courtney Love has a big year ahead of her
Mollygood says: Courtney Love is sooooo over her pony
Tabloid Whore says: Courtney Love takes on the New Year

Who said it best:
Celebrity Hijinx has some additions for Love's already lengthy list:
I can think of at least one additional, painfully obvious resolution - learn how to spell...or learn how to use spell/grammar check. Maybe that could be incorporated into her "learn at least three new skills" resolution. Courtney Love might be sober but her keyboard is getting drunker and drunker as the list goes on...


Lindsay's appendix is "exhausted"

The story:
Lindsay Lohan was hospitalised to have her appendix removed.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay's appendix gets thrown out of Club Firecrotch
Celebitchy says: Lohan rushed to hospital with appendicitis
Celebrity Hijinx says: 2007 firsts: hospitalization and nip slip
Defamer says: Lindsay Lohan kicks off the new year with a suspicious hospital stay, 2007 appendicitis edition
Dlisted says: The hospital is Lindsay's second home
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan rejects Kevin Federline, ends up in hospital anyway
Faded Youth says: Lindsay Lohan hospitalized again
I'm Not Obsessed says: Lindsay Lohan in surgery for her appendix
Lainey Gossip says: Lindsay Lohan: schizophrenia, weight loss, or lipo?
Mollygood says: Lohan's appendix is sick of her shit, wants out
Popsugar says: Lindsay back in the hospital
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Lindsay Lohan hospitalized again
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan going under the knife
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Lindsay Lohan is having surgery
Yeeeah says: Lindsay Lohan hospitalized

Who said it best:
What Would Tyler Durden Do isn't falling for the appendicitis story:
If you're 20-years-old, and you're not a coal miner or ultimate fighter, and you're in the hospital this much, something's up. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with being stupid.

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Justin and Cameron break up, again

The story:
According to Star Magazine, Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz have called it quits.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Justin confirms it?
Best Week Ever says: Cameron not getting d*** in a box?
Celebitchy says: Are Justin and Cameron finally over?
Celebrity Hijinx says: Rode the train to Splitsville for New Year's?
Defamer says: Did Justin Timberlake give Cameron Diaz a dump in a box this Christmas?
Hollywood Rag says: Justin Timberlake wants Scarlett Johansson
Mollygood says: Justin's New Years splash
Popsugar says: Are JT and Cameron really over?
The Superficial says: Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake may be broken up
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Timberlake is single, Jessica is not

Who said it best:
Defamer has some advice for Cammy to get her over the heartbreak:
Diaz might do well to take a page from her most recent disappointing chick flick screen heroine, and perhaps get out of town for a while by swapping homes with fellow cross-the-pond starlet dumpee Sienna Miller--the more distance the better as Justin goes about the guilt-free gifting of his box to groupies in the coming months.
Image via Star Magazine

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Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The Firecrotch burns!

The story:
Kfed tried to put the text message moves on Lindsay Lohan, but was promptly rebuffed.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Kfed's 15 minutes are really, really up
A Socialite's Life says: Karl would have thrown a shit fit
CelebSlam says: Kfed refuses to give up
Haute Gossip says: Blohan turns Kfed down for realz
I'm Not Obsessed says: Kevin Federline tried to kick it to Lindsay Lohan
Lainey Gossip says: Lindsay Lohan: sober AND smart?
Mollygood says: Kevin wants to keep his hyperactive sperm within the starlet A-list
Popsugar says: Kfed attempts to land LL
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Even Lindsay Lohan thinks Kfed is pathetic
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline hits on Lindsay Lohan
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Kfed is smooth, yo

Who said it best:
Lainey Gossip is impressed with the 07 LiLo:
Drinking water AND rejecting losers AND at least several weeks since her last hospitalization? Am shocked…
Image via Lainey Gossip

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Kid kicks in door

The story:
Kid Rock heard that Pam Anderson was doing the dirty with ex-husband Tommy Lee, and attempted to kick in Lee's hotel room door. Naturally, he had the wrong room.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Kid Rock is a class act
A Socialite's Life says: Hell hath no fury like a Kid scorned
Best Week Ever says: Two complete trash balls prepare to fight each other over some sleazy bimbo
Dlisted says: Kid Rock is mad
Faded Youth says: Close...but no Tommy Lee
Haute Gossip says: Like a jealous kid
Hollywood Rag says: Kid Rock wants to kick Tommy Lee's butt
Popsugar says: Kid throws a tantrum
The Superficial says: Kid Rock scares innocent families
Tabloid Whore says: Kid Rock tries to kick Tommy Lee's ass. Fails miserably

Who said it best:
Best Week Ever feels a little sorry for Kid:
Other sources go on to report that Tommy Lee has gotten wind of Kid’s mistake, and has now started calling to taunt him. Nothing takes the sting out of a failed marriage quite like a daily voicemail from your ex-wife’s new lover, who just called to remind you how large his penis is.

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Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Nap time for Brit, and keeps panties on too!

The story:
Britney Spears passed out at 1am at the party she hosted at Las Vegas club Pure. Her rep claims she was just tired after a long day.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Animal has trouble keeping up with the big dogs
Celebitchy says: Britney slumps into the new year
CelebNewsWire says: Britney Spears is just like us! Passed out drunk on NYE!
Defamer says: Britney Spears innocently naps her way into 2007
Dlisted says: Britney Spears almost died on New Years!!!
Egotastic says: Britney Spears collapses on New Years
Faded Youth says: Tired? Gimme a break!
Glitterati Gossip says: Britney: "I was just tired, y'all!"
Haute Gossip says: Britney not wasted on NYE, just tired
Hollywood Rag says: Britney didn't pass out
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Britney Spears is a good host
Lainey Gossip says: Britney's New Years collapse: fact or fiction?
Mollygood says: Britney arrived in Vegas, and boy was she tired
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Britney Spears was just tired y'all
The Superficial says: Britney Spears falls asleep on New Years
Tabloid Whore says: Did Britney faint on New Year's Eve or was she just extra sleepy?
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Britney Spears passed out
Yeeeah says: Britney Spears rings in 2007 in style

Who said it best:
I Don't Like You In That Way is not falling for the sleepy-time story:
Girls don't get carried out of clubs because they get sleepy. They get carried out of clubs because they have puke in their hair and their panties in their purse.
Image via Haute Gossip


New Year's Eve canoodles, pt 2

The story:
Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo were seen sucking face in New York City where she was hosting the MTV Goes Gold New Year's Eve countdown.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Out with the old, in with the new for Nick Lachey
Hollywood Rag says: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo kiss
Lainey Gossip says: Nick and Miss Vanessa: MTV pda
Mollygood says: Vanessa kisses Nick, goodbye her job in live tv
Popsugar says: Nick and Vanessa's NYE kiss
Yeeeah says: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo go for gold, tongue

Who said it best:
Lainey Gossip is happy for the lovebirds:
Her game is so convincing, you have to be happy for a man who has found his Miss Sweetly Servile after too many years of enduring Miss Stupid.
Image via A Socialite's Life

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New Year's Eve canoodles, pt 1

The story:
Jessica Simpson and John Mayer were seen sucking face at the Hudson Hotel party thrown by Christina Aguilera.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Jessica Simpson makes out with her Plan B on New Year's Eve
Celebitchy says: John Mayer is toying with Jessica Simpson
CelebNewsWire says: Simpson and Mayer really dating, duet your mom will really love to follow Dlisted says: John and Jessica still together
Faded Youth says: Love is not pretty
Haute Gossip says: Jessica & John make it official
Lainey Gossip says: Jessica and John: bedside to Barneys
Popsugar says: Jessica and John's New Year kiss
The Superficial says: Jessica Simpson and John Mayer get it on in public

Who said it best:
Dlisted thinks Jess should be careful of what she wishes for:
They apparently spent the entire weekend together in NYC are both are happy that the media hasn’t really caught wind of them. Um…probably because they don’t care?

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Nice day for a white trash wedding

The story:
Kate Moss and Pete Doherty got *married* in a Buddhist ceremony in Thailand, which may or may not be legally binding.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Do you, Kate Moss, take this junkie?
A Socialite's Life says: Kate and Pete fake married?
Best Week Ever says: Kate and Pete decide, "Phuket, let's get married!"
Celebitchy says: Kate Moss and Pete Doherty didn't get married - or did they?
Dlisted says: Let's hope homegirl got a prenup
Gawker says: Pete Doherty faux-marries Kate Moss
Hollywood Rag says: Kate Moss and Pete Doherty secretly married
Mollygood says: So...that wedding happened
Popsugar says: Kate and Pete get married
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Mr and Mrs Pete Doherty
Yeeeah says: Kate and Pete tie the noose

Who said it best:
What Would Tyler Durden Do is in love with love:
It's kinda touching to see two drug addicted social deviants find love. It's like a fairytale, except instead of white horses and a carriage, Kate will go on her honeymoon hearing voices and yelling at demons, then wake up in a bathtub covered in someone elses blood. She's like a princess!
Image via A Socialite's Life

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