Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Who the hell is John Mayer?

The story:
Jessica Simpson is reportedly dating John Mayer.

Image via Lainey Gossip
The combatants:
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says: NEWSFLASH: John Mayer dating Jessica Simpson
Lainey Gossip says: Jessica and John: a love well-timed
Popsugar says: Jessica's new man
US Weekly Online says: Jessica and John: hot new romance
Dlisted says: Gross couple alert
A Socialite's Life says: Jessica Simpson and John Mayer?
Mollygood says: Jessica Simpson prefers her men a few years past their popstar prime
Celebitchy says: Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are mute lovers
Celebrity Hijinx says: A match made in queer music heaven
The Superficial says: Jessica Simpson dates Quasimodo

Who said it best:
While Mollygood comes up with the best headline, Mandy's Mind Is Gossipy wins it's debut entry:
I guess I can't complain, at least it will give me a break up story to write about sometime in the near future. Thanks Jessica, and PS. I always thought that Tuna was chicken too, so don't feel bad.


Monday, August 28, 2006

Daddy dearest

The story:
Angelina Jolie waited in the car for a half hour until her father cleared out of a party she was attending with Brad Pitt.

Image via Dlisted
The combatants:
The Superficial says: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are infantile
Defamer says: Angelina Jolie hides in car until coast is cleared of estranged parents
Popsugar says: Brad and Angie's date night
US Weekly Online says: Angie ducks dad at party
Dlisted says: Angie still hates her dad
A Socialite's Life says: Avoiding Jon Voight
Tabloid Whore says: Angelina Jolie hides from Daddy at party
Celebitchy says: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie venture out

Who said it best:
Dlisted has some great advice for Angie:
Why don't these people grow up? So, she hates her father? Act like the rest of us and deal with that issue by getting drunk. Trust me Angie it makes the situation much more entertaining.


Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Bye-bye crazy

The story:
Paramount chose not to renew their production deal with Tom Cruise.

Image via Haute Gossip
The combatants:
The Superficial says: Tom Cruise fired for being crazy
Haute Gossip says: Paramount gets the last laugh
Defamer says: Paramount booting Tom Cruise off the lot
Popsugar says: Paramount dumps Tom Cruise
US Weekly Online says: Paramount dumps Tom Cruise for bad behaviour
Dlisted says: ICYDK, Paramount cuts the crazy
A Socialite's Life says: More stuff happens with Tom Cruise
Tabloid Whore says: Tom Cruise spanked and dismissed by Paramount
Mollygood says: Paramount is just not that into you, Tom Cruise
CelebNewsWire says: Paramount wises up, hops off the Cruise crazy train
Celebitchy says: Cruise dumped!
Pen15 Club says: You cruise, you lose

Who said it best:
Defamer knows that the bottom line is really the bottom line:
Of course, had Cruise agreed to a much less lucrative deal with Paramount, Redstone would almost certainly be willing to overlook his moral outrage, and maybe would even have been willing to ride along with Cruise on the occasional Ritalin factory bombing, or chip in to buy him an entire orphanage's worth of suspicious babies.


Monday, August 21, 2006

Are you ready to rock?

The story:
Kfed unleashed his craptastic new single on an unsuspecting audience at the Teen Choice Awards Sunday night.

Image via Dlisted
The combatants:
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline rocks the Teen Choice Awards
Lainey Gossip says: Teen Choice 2006 Best and Worst
Defamer says: Kfed finally shows the world he's earned his ridicule all by himself
Dlisted says: The man, the legend, the talent...
Popsugar says: Kfed loses control
US Weekly Online says: Make some noise for Kfed, yo
A Socialite's Life says: Kevin Federline inspires teens
Tabloid Whore says: Ahh yeah, a Kevin Federline weekend
Mollygood says: Yo! Federline raps
Celebitchy says: Kfed sets white rappers back 15 years

Who said it best:
US Weekly gives a great description of the grand opening:
At first it’s hard to locate The Fed, as the performance involves several baggy-clothed, ’beater-wearing decoy K-Feds — like the trailer park version of that scene in The Thomas Crown Affair when all of the bowler hat-wearing, briefcase-carrying dudes unleash upon the Metropolitan Museum of Art.