A years worth of AA may finally pay off

The story:
In the least surprising news since Britney Spears kicked Kfed to the curb, Lindsay Lohan finally checked into rehab.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Lindsay Lohan takes the cure
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay Lohan checks herself into rehab!
Celebrity Hijinx says: Le fall de la Lohan
Cele|bitchy says: Lohan's in rehab
CelebNewsWire says: Lindsay Lohan rehabs self
Defamer says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab, taking first step towards becoming fully adequite
Dlisted says: Blohan goes to rehab
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab, hell freezes over
Faded Youth says: The inevitable happens: Lilo enters rehab
Glitterati Gossip says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab
Haute Gossip says: Blohan's entered rehab
Hollywood Rag says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Lindsay Lohan goes to rehab
I'm Not Obsessed says: Lindsay Lohan checks into rehab
Lainey Gossip says: Saving Lindsay Lohan
Mollygood says: Time to (ade)quit drinking
Popsugar says: Lohan enters rehab!!
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: About time...Lindsay Lohan in rehab
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab
Tabloid Whore says: Lindsay Lohan finally enters rehab
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab
Yeeeah says: Lindsay Lohan enters rehab

Who said it best:
Haute Gossip thinks Linds is just following the trend here:

Seriously, rehab is the new black ain't it? All the cool kids get hooked and then check in.

Image via Best Week Ever

Bionic Bikini Woman, starring Lindsay Lohan

The story:
Lindsay Lohan was photographed running down the street in Miami wearing high heels, a bikini, and holding a cigarette. No, really! Here's the full picture to prove it.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Run Lohan run
Best Week Ever says: Last call at the cabana bar
CelebNewsWire says: Running with ciggers
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan thinks she's on Baywatch
Mollygood says: Physical fitness the Lohan way
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan runs down the street in her bikini
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Cigarettes must be on sale

Who said it best:
Egotastic may have an explanation:

Maybe she just heard the news that her liver is fucked, and she's running to the grocery store to get a new one. Unfortunately for her, there's a dress code at the grocery store, and paté isn't going to do her much good.

Image via Agent Bedhead

Lindsay's appendix is "exhausted"

The story:
Lindsay Lohan was hospitalised to have her appendix removed.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay's appendix gets thrown out of Club Firecrotch
Celebitchy says: Lohan rushed to hospital with appendicitis
Celebrity Hijinx says: 2007 firsts: hospitalization and nip slip
Defamer says: Lindsay Lohan kicks off the new year with a suspicious hospital stay, 2007 appendicitis edition
Dlisted says: The hospital is Lindsay's second home
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan rejects Kevin Federline, ends up in hospital anyway
Faded Youth says: Lindsay Lohan hospitalized again
I'm Not Obsessed says: Lindsay Lohan in surgery for her appendix
Lainey Gossip says: Lindsay Lohan: schizophrenia, weight loss, or lipo?
Mollygood says: Lohan's appendix is sick of her shit, wants out
Popsugar says: Lindsay back in the hospital
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Lindsay Lohan hospitalized again
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan going under the knife
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Lindsay Lohan is having surgery
Yeeeah says: Lindsay Lohan hospitalized

Who said it best:
What Would Tyler Durden Do isn't falling for the appendicitis story:

If you're 20-years-old, and you're not a coal miner or ultimate fighter, and you're in the hospital this much, something's up. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with being stupid.

The Firecrotch burns!

The story:
Kfed tried to put the text message moves on Lindsay Lohan, but was promptly rebuffed.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Kfed's 15 minutes are really, really up
A Socialite's Life says: Karl would have thrown a shit fit
CelebSlam says: Kfed refuses to give up
Haute Gossip says: Blohan turns Kfed down for realz
I'm Not Obsessed says: Kevin Federline tried to kick it to Lindsay Lohan
Lainey Gossip says: Lindsay Lohan: sober AND smart?
Mollygood says: Kevin wants to keep his hyperactive sperm within the starlet A-list
Popsugar says: Kfed attempts to land LL
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Even Lindsay Lohan thinks Kfed is pathetic
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline hits on Lindsay Lohan
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Kfed is smooth, yo

Who said it best:
Lainey Gossip is impressed with the 07 LiLo:

Drinking water AND rejecting losers AND at least several weeks since her last hospitalization? Am shocked…

Image via Lainey Gossip

Lohanapalooza - they're all whores!

The story:
Another rambling Lindsay Lohan email is making it rounds, and in this one she claims stripping is hard work which has left her battered and bruised.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Swinging on pole bruises Lindsay's inner thighs, writes email about it
Best Week Ever says: Lohanvolution: update from HQ
CelebNewsWire says: Lindsay Lohan incurs stripper pole's wrath, gets bruised
Celebrity Hijinx says: Firecrotch hits the pole
Defamer says: Lohan via Blackberry: stripping is totally hard you guys!
Dlisted says: Blohan's pole dancing bruises
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan: topless dancer, bruised stripper
Faded Youth says: Lindsay has respect for strippers
Hollywood Rag says: Lindsay Lohan injured by strip pole
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Lindsay Lohan is colorful
I'm Not Obsessed says: Lindsay Lohan has bruises from poll dancing
Mollygood says: More than you ever needed to know about Lindsay's 'upper and innner thigh action'
Popsugar says: Stripping leaves Lindsay beat up
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan tries writing again, this time about strippers
Tabloid Whore says: Like she's never had bruised thighs before
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Lindsay really respects those c&nts
Yeeeah says: Lindsay Lohan does the stripper thing

Who said it best:
I personally love a trilogy, and Celebrity Hijinx has the inside scoop on this one:

Lindsay Lohan, best selling author, philosopher and spiritual leader, known for her social grace, elegance, beauty, glamour and fashion sense has already completed the third email in her prolific trilogy “The Painful, Unedited Fall of A Semi-Literate Movie Star.”

Image via X17

It only took her 51 weeks to figure out the 12 steps

The story:
Lindsay Lohan tells People that she hasn't had a drink in 7 days. And she's being going to AA for a year, by the way.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay's all, "Look at me, I'm in AA"
Celebitchy says: My name is Lindsay and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for one week
Defamer says: Lindsay Lohan takes 7 days off, hoping to get her tolerance down
Dlisted says: Lindsay Lohan hasn't had a drink in a week
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan doesn't understand the definition of Alcoholics Anonymous
Faded Youth says: Lilo's one week hiatus from booze
Hollywood Rag says: Lindsay Lohan strips and cuts off the booze
Lainey Gossip says: Lilo de-bloats?
Mollygood says: It's been 1 week since Lindsay Lohan had a drink...and boy is she thirsty
Popsugar says: Lindsay is dry
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan sober for a week

Who said it best:
It's no fun to make fun of someone who's honestly trying to get over an addication, but A Socialite's Life doesn't believe that is the case here:

Hmm, I wonder if the meetings still "count" if you're forcing your publicist's assistant to attend them for you. Can you be a member by proxy?

Gore to help Lohan achieve *adequite-ness*

The story:
Lindsay Lohan wrote another rambling message to her friends and lawyers claiming Al Gore was going to help her in a war on the media.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: The Lohanifesto
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay texting whilst high again
Best Week Ever says: The Lohanvolution will be televised, probably on E!
Celebitchy says: Lindsay Lohan begs for help in a rambling message, needs to go to college
CelebNewsWire says: Lindsay Lohan appeals to political leaders to make her 'adequite'
Celebrity Hijinx says: Trainwreck Lohan
Defamer says: Lindsay Lohan's fully adequite Blackberry manifesto
Dlisted says: WTF is wrong with this bitch?!
Faded Youth says: Lindsay Lohan's drunken email
Gawker says: Lindsay Lohan's spelling, sanity still inadequate
The Gilded Moose says: The Gilded Moose Red Pen: critiquing Lindsay Lohan's manifesto
Go Fug Yourself says: Confessions of a teenage fug queen
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Lindsay Lohan is insane
Lainey Gossip says: Lindsay Lohan: closer to rock bottom
Mollygood says: Raise your hand if you're 'adequite'
Popsugar says: Lindsay rambles on
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: When is Lindsay Lohan going to learn she should not write letters?
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan tries writing again, fails
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Lindsay Lohan is deep

Who said it best:
The Gilded Moose didn't quite make it all the way through the Lohanifesto:

I'm so tired now. This is tiring. Reading should not be exhausting.

GQ's obsession throws hissyfit of the year

The story:
Lindsay Lohan threw a hissyfit at the GQ Men of the Year dinner because her former assistant was there with Jessica Biel, causing Will Ferrell to remark, "Who cares about that freak anymore, anyway?"


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay unaware they weren't giving out award for most annoying drunk
Best Week Ever says: Lohan still "Drivin' that train, high on cocaine"
Celebitchy says: Lohan is approaching has been territory
CelebNewsWire says: Jessica Biel takes the high road, Lindsay takes the Lo(han) road
Defamer says: Breaking: Lohan drinks, yells at someone, finds self subject of unflattering Page Six item
Dlisted says: Another Blohan post
Faded Youth says: Lindsay's alcohol-fueled tirade
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Lindsay Lohan is out of her mind
I'm Not Obsessed says: Lindsay Lohan doesn't like her ex-assistants at parties
Lainey Gossip says: Everybody hates Lindsay
Mollygood says: Will Ferrell vs. Lindsay Lohan: it's on bitches
Popsugar says: Lindsay sounds like a brat

Who said it best:
Celebrity Hijinx thinks Ferrell should be rewarded:

Does Will Ferrell have a new movie out? If so, go see it. Or buy it as a stocking stuffer. Support Will Ferrell!!

Image via Lainey Gossip

AA? But Paris said she was a coked-out whore!

The story:
Lindsay Lohan was reportedly spotted outside an AA meeting at 7:30am.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: From now on, nothing but catblogging
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay in AA?
Best Week Ever says: Lindsay L has some bad news for the country's comedy writers
CelebNewsWire says: Lindsay Lohan finally does something sensible
Defamer says: It's like, yeah motherfucker, I'm making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself (12st book)
Dlisted says: Linds in AA?!
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan is an alcoholic
Faded Youth says: L.L. in A.A.
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Lindsay Lohan is an alcoholic
Lainey Gossip says: Lilo: no dirty face at GQ
Mollygood says: Lindsay Lohan woke up at 7:30?!?
Popsugar says: Lindsay attends GQ & AA
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Is Lindsay Lohan going to AA?
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Lindsay Lohan is in AA?

Who said it best:
Defamer is concerned about the ripple effect that this news could have on the gossip industry:

A gossip-bomb dropped in today's Page Six could soon have the tabloids bracing for massive layoffs, paparazzi seriously exploring the possibility of returning to law school, and cause the immediate shuttering of up to a third of Hollywood's most exclusive nightclubs: Lindsay Lohan may have decided it's time to dry out

Ho Ho Ho and I don't mean Merry Christmas

The story:
The Trifecta of Trash were photographed out partying together.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Yeah, this is a step up
A Socialite's Life says: Huh?
Dlisted says: That was fast: Brit, Paris and Lohan back together
Egotastic says: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em: Lindsay Lohan makes nice with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears
Hollywood Rag says: Bottoms down Britney Spears
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Lindsay Lohan is pathetic
I'm not Obsessed says: I'm confused! Are Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan fighting or what?
Lainey Gossip says: Paris and Lindsay and the Britney sandwich
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says:
Mollygood says: Lindsay is finally one of the Mean Girls
Popsugar says: The new threesome: Lindsay, Brit, and Paris
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears complete unholy trinity

Who said it best:
The Superficial is worried about the signals these 3 are sending:

I'm a little rusty on the Bible but I'm pretty sure this is at least one or two signs of the apocalypse. You put these three together in a car and whatever disease crawls out will most likely end the world. It'll be a strain of STD so great and powerful it'll have claws and a face and be the size of a full grown bear.

Image via X17 online

Here's your clue: Miss Lohan in the Chateau with the cocaine

The story:
The National Enquirer is reporting that Lindsay Lohan overdosed at the Chateau Marmont on November 12 but refused to be taken to hospital after a doctor revived her.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay drug overdose?
The Bosh says: Lindsay Lohan's cocaine overdose - doc hides drugs in a panic?
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan drug overdose
Haute Gossip says: Did Lindsay OD?
Lainey Gossip says: Lilo OD?
Popsugar says: Lindsay Lohan overdosed?
Tabloid Whore says: The National Enquirer reports: Lindsay Lohan overdosed on cocaine and pills

Who said it best:
Egotastic seemed to be expecting this story:

It was only a matter of time, but the first headline proclaiming that Lindsay Lohan had a drug overdose has finally been published.

Image via Egotastic

Lilo's longwinded condolence letter

The story:
Lindsay Lohan released a rambling message of condolence over the death of Prairie Home Companion director Robert Altman.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay sends her condolences
Best Week Ever says: If you know Lindsay Lohan, please don't die
Celebrity Hijinx says: Robert Altman dies, Lindsay Lohan rambles
Defamer says: To her credit, Lindsay Lohan obviously didn't delegate her condolence writing obligations to her publicist
Dlisted says: Blohan goes on and on...
Mollygood says: Dear Lord, who let Lindsay Lohan write her own statement?
Popsugar says: Lindsay mourns Robert Altman
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan shouldn't be allowed to write

Who said it best:
Mollygood has taken Lohan's condolence advice to heart:

It rules. Consider my "searching and fearless moral inventory" of myself underway.

LiLo hates bush

The story:
Lindsay Lohan was seen out in London with suspicious looking marks on her wrist, which her publicist says were caused by a bush.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Damn girl, we didn't know it was that serious
Best Week Ever says: Lohan's wrist watch
Celebitchy says: Lindsay's a cutter!
CelebNewsWire says: Lindsay Lohan: scars 'n' snatch
Celebrity Hijinx says: Cuttin' lines
Dlisted says: Crackheads get cut up a lot
Hollywood Rag says: Lindsay Lohan's mysterious wrist cuts
Lainey Gossip says: Lindsay Lohan: self-harming?
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan is suicidal, possible lesbian
Yeeeah says: Lindsay Lohan is a cutter

Who said it best:
Celebrity Hijinx thinks Lindsay did her holiday shopping early this year:

Lindsay's rep says she "fell in a bush." Sounds like someone got an early Christmas present -- lessons at Elliot Mintz School of BS and PR.

GQs obsession

The story:
GQ magazine named Lindsay Lohan their Obsession of the Year.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Lindsay Lohan, one pissed off bitch
CelebNewsWire says: GQs a little obsessed with Lohan
Celebrity Hijinx says: WT not GQ
Defamer says: GQ reveals Lindsay Lohan's post-clubbing ritual
Dlisted says: Blohan in another slutty photoshoot
Egotastic says: GQ says they are obsessed with Lindsay Lohan and so am I
Mollygood says: Autoerotic conflagration
Popsugar says: Lindsay is GQs obsession of the year
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan is a sarcastic bitch

Who said it best:
Dlisted lets us in on LiLo's celebratory secrets:

GQ named Lindsay Lohan its “Obsession of the Year” and she celebrated by opening her legs and bending over for a photoshoot.

Hey there sailor

The story:
Lindsay Lohan wore a revealing shirt with a fugly anchor on it.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: This way to the passenger loading area
CelebNewsWire says: Lindsay Lohan: c-word, c-through
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan's nipples are here...and here
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan shows some nipple
Yeeeah says: Lindsay can't keep her mouth or her naughty bits in check

Who said it best:
According to CelebNewsWire, Lindsay's just looking out for her sex life:

Oh, and furthermore, speaking of c-words, Lindsay's multitudinous beaux must be having a problem finding hers--although by this point we've all seen it so often that our three-year-old cousin can draw it from memory--because she's now taken to donning a map to the treasure

At least she's hired a driver

The story:
Lindsay Lohan called Paris Hilton as a c*nt to paparazzi outside an LA nightclub.




The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay Lohan has a potty mouth
Best Week Ever says: Sizzler: Lohan calls Paris a crotch-related epithet, uses less imagery
Celebrity Hijinx says: The C-word
Dlisted says: Lindsay calls Paris a C-U-Next-Tuesday
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan: "Paris Hilton is a c*nt."
Haute Gossip says: Firecrotch vs Parasite
Hollywood Rag says: Lindsay calls Paris Hilton a c**t
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Paris is a c*unt and Lindsay is see-through
Mollygood says: Lindsay sees Paris' firecrotch and raises her a c*nt
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan says mean things about Paris Hilton

Who said it best:
Best Week Ever is impressed with Lindsay's phraseology:

Unlike Brandon Davis, who’s the Shakespeare of shouting pointless drunken celebrity insults at nearby cameras, it would appear that Lindsay Lohan prefers her prose to be more short and to the point - sort of like a Hemingway of the ho-bag set.

Video via Celebrities.com

How many "fully loaded" quips can one blogger be expected to come up with?

The story:
Lindsay Lohan was in yet another car accident involving a paparazzi yesterday.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Lindsay Lohan says she's still here dammit
Celebitchy says: Lindsay Lohan rear-ended
Defamer says: Lindsay Lohan's paparazzi demolition derby III: the rear-ending
Dlisted says: Lindsay in car crash again!!!
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Lindsay Lohan got rammed from behind
Mollygood says: Here's an idea Lohan: full-time chauffeur
Popsugar says: Another accident for Lindsay
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan crashes into paparazzi
Starpulse says: Paparazzo hits Lindsay Lohan's car

Who said it best:
Agent Bedhead thinks this accident was no accident:

Obviously sensing the impending diversion of paparazzi attention towards Britney Spears, a distraught Lindsay Lohan decided to let a photographer rear end her vehicle at around 2 a.m. yesterday morning.

Image via Mollygood

Verbal diarrhea

The story:
Lindsay Lohan had some interesting comments in a recent interview with News of the World.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay Lohan talks eating disorders...supposedly
Celebrity Hijinx says: Firecrotch has diarrheamouth
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan admits to drugs, anorexia, bulimia and sluttiness
Popsugar says: Lindsay won't stop believing
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan tells all

Who said it best:
Celebrity Hijinx knows where LiLo's chattiness is coming from:

Basically we can sum up this whole interview with "Please mommy, pay attention to me."

Image via I Don't Like You In That Way

Fully loaded again

The story:
Lindsay Lohan was freaked out by the stalkerazzi, and called the police from her vehicle at 6:45am.

The combatants:
Popsugar says: Lindsay Lohan should not drive
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay Lohan snaps
CelebNewsWire says: Lindsay is paranoid and they are following her
Mollygood says: Pull yourselves together girls
Lainey Gossip says: Lilo & Nicole unravelling together
Dlisted says: What kind of costume is this?
Hollywood Rag says: Lindsay Lohan gets chased

Who said it best:
Poor Lindsay! At least CelebNewsWire sympathizes with how she got that party girl image:

There's a reason Lindsay Lohan has to stay out all night partying: When she leaves she's followed and harassed by paparazzi, and sometimes they even try to run her car off the road like she's Marissa Cooper or something. It's just safer inside Hyde.

Image via Lainey Gossip

Lilo moves on

The story:
Lindsay Lohan moved out of the Chateau Marmont, but left some belongings behind.



The combatants:
Defamer says: Eight ball apparently not among parting gifts Lindsay Lohan left Chateau Marmont staff
A Socialite's Life says: What did Lindsay Lohan leave behind in her Chateau Marmont suite?
Mollygood says: They're just so tired from Lindsay's incessant tapping

Who said it best:
Defamer comes up with a winning headline and commentary:

We're sure Lohan spent her last night as a Chateau guest clutching a rolled-up hundred-dollar bill, re-sniffing over every surface (coffee table, toilet tank, Gideon Bible, what have you) in that suite upon which she blew a rail, making sure that every last grain of powder was leaving with her.