Friday, December 22, 2006

Jessucka won't honour Dolly

The story:
Jessice Simpson attempted to sing '9 to 5' a second time for the Kennedy Center Dolly Parton tribute, but sucked so bad she asked to have it removed from the televised program.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Jessica Simpson nixes do-over
Dlisted says: Jessica is a big flop
I'm Not Obsessed says: Jessica Simpson gets removed from Dolly Parton tribute
Popsugar says: Jessica drops out of Dolly tribute
Yeeeah says: Jessica Simpson sucks bigtime

Who said it best:
Yeeeah thinks this may signal the cooling of Jess's formerly hot prospects:
Listen — do you hear that sound? That’s the sound of Jessica’s Simpson’s career going straight down the crapper. And that rustling noise is the sound of Jess digging elbow-deep into a Ruffles bag and stuffing in fistfuls of potato chips while watching Vanessa Minillo on MTV and using her new CD “A Public Affair” as a coaster for her chocolate milkshake.

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Stick wars

The story:
Hilary Duff referred to Nicole Richie as a skank.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Hilary Duff gets bitter and judgemental
Dlisted says: Breaking: Hilary Duff uses the word 'skank'
Faded Youth says: Hilary to Nicole: skank!
Hollywood Tuna says: Hilary Duff gets a little skanky
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie is a skank
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Nicole Richie is a skank
Popsugar says: Duff disses Nicole

Who said it best:
Dlisted thinks Hilary has the advantage in this one:
Stickfight! Hilary can totally use her horse teeth to cut Nicole in two!
Image via Gallery of the Absurd

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Who's your daddy?

The story:
Anna Nicole Smith is being forced to submit her baby to a DNA test for Larry Birkhead.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Anna Nicole's baby to find out who her real father is
Dlisted says: There is no hiding now for Anna Nicole
Faded Youth says: Who da babydaddy?
Glitterati Gossip says: Anna Nicole Smith ordered to submit daughter for paternity test
I'm Not Obsessed says: Howard K Stern is shaking in his boots

Who said it best:
Faded Youth is a little tired of Smith and her paternity drama:
My prediction? They're already on their way to a small Mexican city where we'll never hear from them again. (Coincidentally, that also my wish.)

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What is living in Kirsten Dunst's colon?

The story:
Kirsten Dunst purchased a Comprehensive Digestive Stool Analysis kit.


The combatants:
CelebNewsWire says: Crappy holidays from Kirsten Dunst
Dlisted says: Kiki's getting her caca checked!
Haute Gossip says: Kirsten has something stuck up her butt
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Kirsten Dunst is even more sexy
Mollygood says: Hope everything comes out ok, Kirsten
The Superficial says: Kirsten Dunst has horrible poo

Who said it best:
Dlisted thinks the kit may improve Kiki's public persona:
She’s probably been stuffed up for at least five years. That’s why she always has a frown on her mug.
Image via Dlisted

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Britney's trash tour continues

The story:
Britney Spears was asked to leave the stage at burlesque club Forty Deuce after she decided to *perform* with her friends.


The combatants:
Best Week Ever says: Britney Spears: mother of the year
Celebitchy says: Button up Britney
CelebNewsWire says: Britney's back! (and so is her bra)
Dlisted says: I can't even comment anymore
Egotastic says: Britney Spears stripping at Forty Deuce
Faded Youth says: Dueling banj-hoes
Hollywood Rag says: Britney Spears tries to strip
Mollygood says: Someone get this woman a hog to straddle

Who said it best:
While the strip tease may have offended some, Mollygood is horrified for a whole other reason:
When the reports originally stated that the starlet "unzipped her top" it didn't even cross my mind that she could have been wearing a jean vest. A jean vest, people. Are there patches on that JEAN VEST? Maybe. It's just too bad it wasn't acid washed.
Image via Egotastic

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Combover vs Clamshell

The story:
Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell are engaged in a war of words which stems from her opinion about his handling of the Miss USA scandal.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: The Donald's Christmas gift to humanity
A Socialite's Life says: Trump sends Rosie Christmas greetings, refers to her as a clam
Best Week Ever says: Best showdown ever: Rosie v. Trump
Celebitchy says: Rosie vs. Trump in the 8th grade battle of the put downs
CelebNewsWire says: Rosie and Trump not feeling holiday love
Celebrity Hijinx says: Celebrity deathmatch 9: Rosie vs THE Donald
Defamer says: All Donald Trump wants for Christmas is for his lawyers to stick their hands into Rosie's fat-ass pockets
Dlisted says: Will they oil wrestle already?
Faded Youth says: Round 3!
Hollywood Rag says: Donald Trump quote of the day
I'm Not Obsessed says: Rosie O'Donnell vs Donald Trump: was it called for?
Lainey Gossip says: Trump on Rosie: Queen sized temper
Popsugar says: Trump and Rosie's crazy feud
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Round 1: Rosie vs the Donald
The Superficial says: Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell battle it out
Yeeeah says: The Donald and O'Donnell face off

Who said it best:
Yeeeah is not impressed with Trump's witty repartee:
Ah, the “fat loser” card. The moral high road. Donald Trump just effectively out-douched the most unlikeable woman on television in one fell swoop.
Image via A Socialite's Life

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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Scarlett and Josh buck the trend, stay together

The story:
Scarlett Johansson and Josh Hartnett are still / back together.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: It's ok everyone, Josh and Scarlett are together still
The Blemish says: Josh and Scarlett are back on
Dlisted says: Hot hair back with ScarJo?
Egotastic says: Scarlett Johansson and Josh Hartnett are apparently not dunzo
Faded Youth says: All is well that ends well
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Josh Hartnett has done it again
Lainey Gossip says: Scarlett Johansson: a goddess is forgiving
Popsugar says: Are Scarlett and Josh back on?
The Superficial says: Josh Hartnett and Scarlett Johansson back on
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Scarlett and Josh, part 2

Who said it best:
Lainey Gossip is a little cynical about the timing of this reunion:
The most curious, curious coincidence. Scarlett and Josh c0-star in the Black Dahlia. Scarlett and Josh rumoured to split. Black Dahlia out on DVD next week. Scarlett and Josh reunite.
Image via A Socialite's Life

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Is Jen crying over Brad's babies?

The story:
Tabloid reports say that Jennifer Aniston is still upset about her break up with Brad, especially when confronted with photographic evidence of his happy family life.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: I hope someone gives Jen Aniston good news for Xmas
Defamer says: Inevitable tabloid report: pictures of perfect Jolie-Pitt baby plunges Aniston into depths of despair
I'm Not Obsessed says: Do you think Jen Aniston still cares about Brad Pitt?
Lainey Gossip says: Jen: tears and yoga
Popsugar says: Friends worried about Jen

Who said it best:
A Socialite's Life understands how Shiloh's picture could have this effect on Aniston:
The very least that Fate could have done for Jen was to give her some kind of imperfection--but unfortunately for her, that baby is definitely still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model.
Image via US Magazine

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Match made in matchstick heaven

The story:
Lara Flynn Boyle got married to some guy who isn't Jack Nicholson over the weekend.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Was Jack Nicholson aware of this?
Best Week Ever says: On tonight's Bones: Lara Flynn Boyle marries
Dlisted says: The original Nicole Richie got hitched
Glitterati Gossip says: Lara Flynn Boyle marries
I'm Not Obsessed says: Lara Flynn Boyle got married, and it wasn't to Jack Nicholson
Popsugar says: Lara Flynn Boyle got married
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Lara Flynn Boyle gets hitched
Yeeeah says: Lara Flynn Boyle gets married

Who said it best:
Yeeeah thinks it must be a slow news day if this story is making the rounds:
Yes. Lara fucking Flynn Boyle. That’s the best I can do today. Not one celebrity beaver, nobody parked the wrong way on the interstate. Sorry.

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She should have had some knickers drawn on while she was at it

The story:
Britney Spears took little sister Jamie Lynn to a seedy LA tattoo parlour, where she had a dice tattoo that she shares with Kfed changed.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Britney gets wholesome and takes her little sister to a tattoo parlor
Best Week Ever says: The Britney monster strikes again!
Celebrity Hijinx says: Looking good, girl
Dlisted says: BritBrit takes her kid sister to a tattoo parlor
Faded Youth says: Britney's new tattoo
Hollywood Rag says: Britney Spears and sister visit tattoo shop
I'm Not Obsessed says: Britney Spears gets a star tattoo
Lainey Gossip says: Britney Spears: relative thinking
Popsugar says: Did Britney cheat?
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Britney Spears is such a good role model for her sister...not!

Who said it best:
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! thinks this demonstrates how Brit has taken Jamie Lynn under her wing, showing her the finer points of being young and hip in Hollywood:
You know she is teaching her how to drink and go out without undies?
Image via Dlisted

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Stone + Slater = crazy

The story:
Christian Slater and Sharon Stone are dating.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Basic Instinct 3: Home for the holidays, starring Christian Slater and Sharon Stone
CelebNewsWire says: Christian Slater places untamed heart under Shazza Stone's Christmas tree
Dlisted says: Sharon Stone's special Christmas elf
Glitterati Gossip says: Sharon Stone and Christian Slater hook up
Hollywood Rag says: Sharon Stone is dating Christian Slater
Popsugar says: Christian Slater goes cougar hunting
Starpulse says: Sharon Stone and Christian Slater are dating

Who said it best:
A Socialite's Life is really looking forward to the work the demise of this one will provide:
This can't possibly end without violence and/or someone's possessions being thrown on someone's front lawn--and until that happens, I'll be here waiting. With my laptop. So I can blog about it.
Image via A Socialite's Life

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

That's some spot on casting

The story:
Tom Cruise is reportedly casting Victoria Beckham as an alien princess in an upcoming Scientology movie he is producing.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Victoria Beckham is an alien life form
Defamer says: Kirstie Allie enraged that Tom Cruise didn't first consider her for alien bride role in fictional 'thetan' movie
Dlisted says: Type casting
Hollywood Tuna says: Victoria Beckham to play a fake breasted alien in Scientology film
Metadish says: Another star is born
Popsugar says: Tom casts Victoria as an alien

Who said it best:
Metadish is already impressed with Posh's acting chops:
Victoria Beckham will further legitimize her career by starring as an alien bride in the Scientology film, The Thetan. The movie's director, Tom Cruise, says he chose Beckham because she is a "comic genius." The Acadamy should probably just give her an Oscar right now.
Image via Agent Bedhead

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Battle of the Queens: Hot vs Not

The story:
Reichen Luhmkuhl posted on his MySpace blog that a certain blogger is full of shit. And a meth addict and thief.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: When celebrities attack
A Socialite's Life says: Reichen vs Perez, round 1
Celebitchy says: Lance Bass' partner, Reichen, tells Perez to stuff it
Celebrity Hijinx says: I'm going to have to start a 'Celebrity MySpace Blog' column
Dlisted says: Reichen Lehmkuhl quote of the day
I'm Not Obsessed says: Reichen Lehmkuhl is mad! mad! mad!

Who said it best:
A Socialite's Life would like to see this battle escalate:
Coming to your Live! From the MGM Grand in Las Vegas! I really do want to see these two fight in like an Ultimate Fighting Championship setting. I'm sure it wouldn't last long but it seems it would be very satisfying to a lot people.
Image via Gallery of the Absurd

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Now that is a PR strategy

The story:
Donald Trump announced that Miss USA Tara Conner would be given a second chance as long as she goes to rehab.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Un-terminated: the redemption of Tara Conner
A Socialite's Life says: Miss USA keeps her crown, thousands of Miss USA hopefuls nationwide splash champagne on their breasts and make out with their girlfriends in celebration
Best Week Ever says: Miss USA is officially coked-up slut!
Celebrity Hijinx says: Miss USA in rehab
Derek Hail says: Tara Conner keeps her crown
Dlisted says: Miss USA not fired!
Faded Youth says: Ok, so you're not fired
Mollygood says: Spot the fun Tara Conner Miss USA
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Tara Conner gets to keep her Miss USA crown
The Superficial says: Miss USA keeps her crown
Tabloid Whore says: Miss USA gets to keep the crown
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Miss USA keeps her crown
Yeeeah says: Donald Trump totally played us

Who said it best:
Best Week Ever is slightly cynical about the Donald's forgiveness:
Considering that we’ve never known the name of a Miss USA contestant ever before, it seems fitting that Tara should get a second chance — because, frankly, slutty cokeheads are the American way, and clearly, Donald sees that. We can’t wait to see how next year’s winner tops this publicity stunt.

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Monday, December 18, 2006

Mel's love child

The story:
A 29-year old Australian woman is claiming that she is Mel Gibson's love child.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Mel Gibson: racist babydaddy?
Celebitchy says: 29-year old claims to be Mel Gibson's illegitimate daughter
Defamer says: Mel Gibson's alleged back-of-a-station-wagon love child just needs a troubled father figure to help her through her thirties
Dlisted says: Is this Mel Gibson's long lost family?
Faded Youth says: Mel Gibson's secret love child!!!!!
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: Is this Mel Gibson's love child?
The Superficial says: Mel Gibson has secret illegitimate children

Who said it best:
Faded Youth is sure that Mel will have a quick comeback:
When Mel was asked for comment he denied any knowledge of the situation, adding, "The Jews did it!"
Image via Seriously? OMG! WTF?!

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Lohanapalooza - they're all whores!

The story:
Another rambling Lindsay Lohan email is making it rounds, and in this one she claims stripping is hard work which has left her battered and bruised.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Swinging on pole bruises Lindsay's inner thighs, writes email about it
Best Week Ever says: Lohanvolution: update from HQ
CelebNewsWire says: Lindsay Lohan incurs stripper pole's wrath, gets bruised
Celebrity Hijinx says: Firecrotch hits the pole
Defamer says: Lohan via Blackberry: stripping is totally hard you guys!
Dlisted says: Blohan's pole dancing bruises
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan: topless dancer, bruised stripper
Faded Youth says: Lindsay has respect for strippers
Hollywood Rag says: Lindsay Lohan injured by strip pole
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Lindsay Lohan is colorful
I'm Not Obsessed says: Lindsay Lohan has bruises from poll dancing
Mollygood says: More than you ever needed to know about Lindsay's 'upper and innner thigh action'
Popsugar says: Stripping leaves Lindsay beat up
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan tries writing again, this time about strippers
Tabloid Whore says: Like she's never had bruised thighs before
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Lindsay really respects those c&nts
Yeeeah says: Lindsay Lohan does the stripper thing

Who said it best:
I personally love a trilogy, and Celebrity Hijinx has the inside scoop on this one:
Lindsay Lohan, best selling author, philosopher and spiritual leader, known for her social grace, elegance, beauty, glamour and fashion sense has already completed the third email in her prolific trilogy “The Painful, Unedited Fall of A Semi-Literate Movie Star.”
Image via X17

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Friday, December 15, 2006

Canadian beaver soon available to pappies

The story:
Paris Hilton was out partying with a new BFF, House of Wax co-star Elisha Cuthbert.


The combatants:
Best Week Ever says: Elisha Cuthbert, your vagina is on notice
CelebNewsWire says: Paris Hilton corners her next victim
Egotastic says: Paris Hilton will ruin Elisha Cuthbert just like she ruined Britney Spears
Hollywood Tuna says: Could there be an Elisha Cuthbert upskirt in the near future?
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Paris didn't defend Britney
Popsugar says: Stavros tries to tame Paris

Who said it best:
Unlike the Spearship, Egotastic doesn't think Paris is going to be the hot one here:
Oh, and yes, putting Paris Hilton side by side with the incredibly beautiful Elisha Cuthbert does make her look that much more retarded.
Image via Hollywood Tuna

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Someone's been naughty

The story:
The Donald is deciding if Miss USA Tara Conner is going to be stripped of her crown for her party-girl ways.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Tara Conner lives up to her namesake
A Socialite's Life says: Beauty pageant juicy gossip goodness
Dlisted says: Your new Miss USA
Faded Youth says: You're fired
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Miss USA got around
The Superficial says: Miss USA is out of control
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Miss USA is friendly

Who said it best:
A Socialite's Life hopes this story lives up to its advance billing:
Miss USA gone wild! I hope one of the problems pageant officials are having with Conner include her fashioning her sash into a tiny thong bikini that she's been wearing whilst club-hopping.
Image via Faded Youth

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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Nix the Chicks

The story:
The Dixie Chicks are rumoured to be breaking up after the Grammys.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Dixie Chicks dunzo
Best Week Ever says: Does the Dixie Chicks breaking up mean we've finally won the war on terror?
Celebitchy says: The Dixie Chicks are going to split up
Dlisted says: Don't break up Dixie Chicks
I'm Not Obsessed says: Dixie Chicks to split after Grammys?
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: Are the Dixie Chicks breaking up?

Who said it best:
Like Britney and panties, Seriously? OMG! WFT?! doesn't think the breakup will last:
Even if they were to split, you know they will have a reunion tour in a few years.

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Dylan not a Star Wars fan

The story:
Bob Dylan does not like the way his *character* is portrayed in Factory Girl.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Ancient curmudgeon displeased with 'Factory Girl'
Defamer says: Bob Dylan understandably pissed about Hayden Christensen's version of himself in 'Factory Girl'
Hollywood Rag says: Bob Dylan vs The Factory Girl
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: Bob Dylan tries to shut down Factory Girl?

Who said it best:
A Socialite's Life thinks Dylan won't have a problem once he actually sees the movie:
Dylan must not have seen the Star Wars prequels. Anakin Skywalker wasn't convincing anyone of anything.
Image via ASL

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Jail time for Stick-ole?

The story:
California law may require Nicole Richie to serve mandatory time in jail if convicted of DUI as she has a previous conviction on her record.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Nicole might go inside
Celebitchy says: Nicole Richie has an earlier DUI and could be sent to jail for 5 days
CelebNewsWire says: Get your period, go to jail
Dlisted says: Is Nicole Richie going to the big house?
Faded Youth says: Is Nicole going to the slammer?
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie might go to jail
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Nicole Richie is going to jail
Mollygood says: Nicole is (not) headed for the clink
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie has to go to jail
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: It's a Christmas miracle
Yeeeah says: Nicole Richie's DUI could mean jail time

Who said it best:
CelebNewsWire thinks the jail time will be especially tough for Richie:
Five days might not seem like a lot to you, but imagine how poor Nicole must feel facing five full days packed with carby, trans fat-filled prison food and no Blackberry access. Oh well, at least she'll be popular with the inmates; they can use her hipbone as a shiv.

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Open season on beaver comes to an end

The story:
Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are no longer BFF, after Britney was told by *her people* to start acting more adult if she wanted to launch a comeback.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Paris and Britney done?
Best Week Ever says: Who will become Britney's next bad influence?
CelebNewsWire says: Britney goes old school with boob flash
Dlisted says: But we've only just begun
Faded Youth says: The day the music died
Hollywood Rag says: Britney Spears buys her own CD
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Britney and Paris have broken up
I'm Not Obsessed says: Britney Spears told to stay away from Paris Hilton
Lainey Gossip says: Britney vs Hollywood Ebola: a fight brews?
Popsugar says: Britney and Paris break up
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: A moment of silence for Britney Spears and Paris Hilton's friendship?
The Superficial says: Britney Spears and Paris Hilton break up
What Would Tyler Durden Do says:

Who said it best:
I Don't Like You In That Way doesn't think much of the plan:
The only way Britney Spears could make a comeback is if she woke up tomorrow and wasn't Britney Spears.

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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Who needs a tell-all when we've already seen-all?

The story:
Kfed is reportedly planning a tell-all memoir about his marriage to Britney.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Kfed to pretend he can write?
Best Week Ever says: Kfed planning to learn how to write?
CelebNewsWire says: Kfed pretends to know meaning of 'verb,' plans book
Faded Youth says: How low can you go? Just ask Kfed
Hollywood Rag says: Kfed plans Britney Spears tell all
Popsugar says: Kevin threatens Britney with tell-all book
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline wants to reveal secrets
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Kfed wants to write a book

Who said it best:
Best Week Ever is somewhat impressed with the new project:
While we’re not surprised to learn that Kevin is planning to wring every last drop of exploitative cash out of his marriage to Britney, we are both shocked and proud to learn that he is finally going to get around to conquering literacy.

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The wedding as recruitment strategy

The story:
Jim Carrey and Jennifer Lopez may be Scientology's newest members, thanks in part to Tom Cruise.



Who said it best:
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! doesn't understand why these 2 image conscious celebs would make the move to Scientology now:
Don’t they know Scientology is so passe?
Image via Abaca Press

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PMS? Give me a break

The story:
Nicole Richie claims that she was taking Vicodin because of menstrual cramps. And then she swatted a fly with a rocket launcher.


The combatants:
Dlisted says: Nicole Richie blames it on female trouble
Faded Youth says: Blame it on your rag
Haute Gossip says: Nicole pleads the PMS defense
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie took Vicodin for her period
Lainey Gossip says: Nicole Richie: the Aunt Flow excuse
Mollygood says: Oh Nicole! She was on the rag, that's all
Popsugar says: Nicole's lame excuse
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: Nicole Richie took the vicodin for cramps?
Tabloid Whore says: Nicole Richie blames it all on the cramps

Who said it best:
Faded Youth is tired of Nicole's excuses and has some advice:
Enough with the lies and cover-ups, Nicole! Eat a sandwich, get your ass into rehab and start talkin' the truth! We all know you're too skinny to menstrate in the first place!

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At least she had Lohan's 7 days beat

The story:
Tara Reid was out, about and shitfaced once again in London.


The combatants:
Dlisted says: Sarah Harding is the best!
Faded Youth says: Fall from grace
The Gilded Moose says: Tara Reid returns home
Mollygood says: Once, twice, three times a...oh, never mind
The Superficial says: Tara Reid still a drunken mess, sun still bright
What Would Tyler Durden Do says:

Who said it best:
The Gilded Moose is happy to see this Tara reemerge:
Welcome home, Tara. While we stood by silently as you left the comfort of skankitude for your brief vacation to respectability-world, we always knew our little girl would come back to us.

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

She's got a movie coming out this week, right?

The story:
Angelina Jolie gives a revealing interview to Vogue.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Angelina finally comes clean
Celebitchy says: Angelina reveals her fear of intimacy, kinship with Brad in candid interview
Faded Youth says: Angelina reveals all to Vogue
Hollywood Rag says: Angelina Jolie reveals her love for Brad Pitt
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Angelina talks about Brad. And Jennifer
Lainey Gossip says: Angelina: on Brad, on marriage, on Jennifer
Popsugar says: Angelina talks about Brad, Jen and her family
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: How Anglina Jolie fell for Brad Pitt
Tabloid Whore says: Angelina Jolie welcomes sitting down and chatting with Jennifer Aniston

Who said it best:
Lainey Gossip doesn't think the tete a tete with Aniston is likely to happen anytime soon:
I can’t see Jennifer Aniston wanting to go there on her own. But I can totally see her going there with Courteney Cox. Sort of like a wingman situation except Courteney would do all the talking.

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It only took her 51 weeks to figure out the 12 steps

The story:
Lindsay Lohan tells People that she hasn't had a drink in 7 days. And she's being going to AA for a year, by the way.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay's all, "Look at me, I'm in AA"
Celebitchy says: My name is Lindsay and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for one week
Defamer says: Lindsay Lohan takes 7 days off, hoping to get her tolerance down
Dlisted says: Lindsay Lohan hasn't had a drink in a week
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan doesn't understand the definition of Alcoholics Anonymous
Faded Youth says: Lilo's one week hiatus from booze
Hollywood Rag says: Lindsay Lohan strips and cuts off the booze
Lainey Gossip says: Lilo de-bloats?
Mollygood says: It's been 1 week since Lindsay Lohan had a drink...and boy is she thirsty
Popsugar says: Lindsay is dry
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan sober for a week

Who said it best:
It's no fun to make fun of someone who's honestly trying to get over an addication, but A Socialite's Life doesn't believe that is the case here:
Hmm, I wonder if the meetings still "count" if you're forcing your publicist's assistant to attend them for you. Can you be a member by proxy?

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Monday, December 11, 2006

He's so cute y'all!

The story:
Britney Spears was caught smooching a new man on the weekend, record producer JR Rotem.


The combatants:
Best Week Ever says: Celebrity Math: you'll spontaneously shower edition
Celebrity Hijinx says: A day in the life
Dlisted says: Britney kisses new dude - not that exciting
Faded Youth says: Britney's mystery man a mystery no more
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Britney went on a date, got laid
I'm Not Obsessed says: Britney Spears caught kissing some dude
Lainey Gossip says: Britney...already???
Mollygood says: Brit Brit's got a brand new man
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: Britney Spears was making out with her producer?
The Superficial says: Britney Spears kisses mystery man

Who said it best:
Lainey Gossip has high hopes for this relationship:
Hopefully his gainful employment means he doesn't need to exercise the super sperm. I could go at least 6 months without seeing her pregnant... You?
Image via Mollygood

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Kate Winslet hates the lollipop gang

The story:
Kate Winslet finds the ultrathin look to be disturbing, and won't let her daughter look at fashion magazines.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Kate Winslet doesn't like teh skinny bitches either
A Socialite's Life says: Kate Winslet has a problem with the thin chicks
Dlisted says: Looks like Kate Bosworth isn't working with Kate Winslet anytime soon
Glitterati Gossip says: Kate Winslet slams skinny actresses
Hollywood Rag says: Kate Winslet bans fashion magazines
Popsugar says: Kate Winslet is disturbed by skinny chicks

Who said it best:
Dlisted isn't down with the lollipop look either:
I don’t know anyone that thinks Nicole Richie and Kate Bosworth look hot. Well, except my dog but he likes his bones on the lean side.
Image via A Socialite's Life

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85lbs and high as a kite

The story:
Nicole Richie was busted for DUI over the weekend. The booking sheet lists her as 5'1" and 85lbs.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Nicole smokes a bowl, pops some pills, drives, and gets busted
Best Week Ever says: Nicole Richie is 5'1", 85lbs of drugged-up trouble
Celebitchy says: Nicole Richie arrested for DUI
CelebNewsWire says: Nicole Richie drugs 'n drives, weighs 85lbs
Celebrity Hijinx says: Nicole Richie picked up on DUI
Defamer says: Nicole Richie latest to join in celebrity DUI craze
Dlisted says: Nicole Richie arrested for DUI
Egotastic says: Nicole Richie got is busted
Faded Youth says: Busted!
Haute Gossip says: Nicole arrested
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie arrested
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Nicole Richie got arrested
I'm Not Obsessed says: Nicole Richie arrested for DUI
Lainey Gossip says: Nicole Richie DUI
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says: DUI charges the latest big thing to hit Hollywood!
Mollygood says: Nicole Richie's ch-ch-ch-changes
Popsugar says: Nicole arrested for DUI
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: And the smiley mugshots are back
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie arrested for DUI
Tabloid Whore says: Nicole Richie arrested afte driving wrong way on 134 freeway
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Nicole Richie is under arrest

Who said it best:
According to Defamer, Nicole has one-upped her DUI contemporaries:
Nicole Richie shows the amateurs how a substance-abusing pro earns a traffic stop: according to TMZ, Richie was popped very early this morning for driving the wrong way on the 134 in Burbank after two motorists, understandably alarmed by the sight of an SUV piloted by what seemed to be an eleven-year-old girl traveling against the flow of traffic, called 911.
Image via The Smoking Gun

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Desperate for attention

The story:
After a visit to the Playboy Mansion, Paris and Nicky Hilton posed together like 2 whores on a double stick.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Ugh
Celebitchy says: Paris and Nicky being pervy
Dlisted says: Trading crabs
Egotastic says: Paris Hilton gets kinky with sister Nicky
Faded Youth says: Trash
Haute Gossip says: Paris & Nicky are close
Hollywood Rag says: Paris Hilton is still embarassing
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Paris and Nicky are creepy
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: Paris & Nicky Hilton's boyfriends' parents do not approve of them
The Superficial says: Paris & Nicky Hilton almost do it with each other
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: What the hell is this?

Who said it best:
Dlisted may have figured out what the pose was all about:
Maybe this is a seasonly occurence so their crabs can get some new scenery! You know the way birds fly south for the winter!
Image via Matrix Photos

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Friday, December 08, 2006

Tori cleans house

The story:
Tori Spelling is having an *estate sale* to get rid of her crap before moving.


The combatants:
Best Week Ever says: Tori Spelling's garage sale starts now!
Celebitchy says: Tori Spelling's house is more shabby than chic
Defamer says: Tori Spelling yard sale not exactly a bargain hunter's paradise
Dlisted says: You know you want this
Haute Gossip says: Buy Tori's stuff - cheap!
Hollywood Rag says: Tori Spelling's garage sale today
Lainey Gossip says: Tori Spelling: own a piece of homewrecking history
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: Want to see some of the things Tori Spelling is selling?
The Superficial says: Tori Spelling selling all her crap
Tabloid Whore says: The infamous Tori Spelling estate sale

Who said it best:
Lainey Gossip is not impressed with Tori's goods:
Girl lives like a geriatric bird collector…is this what the Spelling mansion looks like?
Image via Seriously? OMG! WFT?!

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Brangelina wedding -- I don't think so

The story:
Rumours are circulating that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will wed in South Africa over Christmas. Oh yeah, Oprah is on the invite list.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Brangelina to marry in South Africa on Christmas?
Celebitchy says: Brad and Angelina's supposed Christmas wedding
Dlisted says: Angelina Jolie to make an honest woman out of Brad Pitt
I'm Not Obsessed says: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to wed in Africa?
Popsugar says: Brad and Angelina tying the knot?
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: Brad and Angelina planning a Christmas wedding in South Africa?
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: A Christmas wedding?

Who said it best:
I'm Not Obsessed gives kudos for creativity to this story's authors:
The Sun really does know how to make up a good story eh?
Image via Popsugar

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Paris' new rock

The story:
Paris Hilton was spotted wearing a large ring on her left hand, fueling speculation that she may be engaged to Stavros Niarchos -- or she's just fucking with us all for some publicity that doesn't require her to flash her cooter.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Paris flashing something other than her vagina
Dlisted says: Please, she got that from a cracker jack box
Egotastic says: Paris Hilton's supposed engagement is as fake as that ring
Faded Youth says: Does Hilton have a new man and BFF?
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Is Paris engaged?
I'm Not Obsessed says: Is Paris Hilton engaged to Stavros Niarchos?
Mollygood says: Gentlemen, retire your penises, Paris Hilton may be off the market forever
Popsugar says: Is Paris engaged again?
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Is Paris Hilton engaged or is it a publicity stunt?
The Superficial says: Paris Hilton is engaged. Maybe

Who said it best:
Most don't believe that this signals an actual engagement, but in any case A Socialite's Life has some sound advice for Stavros:
That poor Niarchos bastard. Run for the hills, buddy. That is - if your pin hasn't fallen off yet from all the disease.
Image via Popsugar

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Thursday, December 07, 2006

How does this guy stay out of jail?

The story:
Pete Doherty got in a fight with an actor who fell 2 stories to his death shortly afterwards.



Who said it best:
Best Week Ever appreciates the fact that Pete is working hard to keep us titillated:
Possibly realizing that the “Pete Doherty Got Busted For Drugs Again - AGAIN!” headlines would only keep our attention for so long, the latest reports surrounding the scandal-addled one-time rocker suggest that Pete might have played a part in the tragic death of an actor who fell from a third-story balcony only minutes after the two got into a scuffle
Image via Agent Bedhead

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Gore to help Lohan achieve *adequite-ness*

The story:
Lindsay Lohan wrote another rambling message to her friends and lawyers claiming Al Gore was going to help her in a war on the media.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: The Lohanifesto
A Socialite's Life says: Lindsay texting whilst high again
Best Week Ever says: The Lohanvolution will be televised, probably on E!
Celebitchy says: Lindsay Lohan begs for help in a rambling message, needs to go to college
CelebNewsWire says: Lindsay Lohan appeals to political leaders to make her 'adequite'
Celebrity Hijinx says: Trainwreck Lohan
Defamer says: Lindsay Lohan's fully adequite Blackberry manifesto
Dlisted says: WTF is wrong with this bitch?!
Faded Youth says: Lindsay Lohan's drunken email
Gawker says: Lindsay Lohan's spelling, sanity still inadequate
The Gilded Moose says: The Gilded Moose Red Pen: critiquing Lindsay Lohan's manifesto
Go Fug Yourself says: Confessions of a teenage fug queen
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Lindsay Lohan is insane
Lainey Gossip says: Lindsay Lohan: closer to rock bottom
Mollygood says: Raise your hand if you're 'adequite'
Popsugar says: Lindsay rambles on
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: When is Lindsay Lohan going to learn she should not write letters?
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan tries writing again, fails
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Lindsay Lohan is deep

Who said it best:
The Gilded Moose didn't quite make it all the way through the Lohanifesto:
I'm so tired now. This is tiring. Reading should not be exhausting.

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But the key is you have to put the underwear on...

The story:
Britney Spears posted a message on her website attempting to explain recent behaviour.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Britney speaks
Best Week Ever says: Britney Spears vagina jokes officially dead
Celebitchy says: Britney Spears in half-assed attempt to mend her image
CelebNewsWire says: Britney flaps her lips - this time, via written word
Celebrity Hijinx says: Questionable Quotes: B.S.
Defamer says: Britney Spears to rediscover joys of family, temperance, panties
Dlisted says: Britney speaks!
Faded Youth says: Britney Spears, confessions of a party girl
Haute Gossip says: A message from Britney
Hollywood Rag says: A message from Britney Spears
I'm Not Obsessed says: Britney Spears addresses her fans on her website
Lainey Gossip says: Britney's perfect defense
Mollygood says: Britney never expected us to care so much about seeing her naughty place
Popsugar says: Britney's new message
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Britney Spears sends a message to her fans via her site!
The Superficial says: Britney Spears talks about her behavior
Tabloid Whore says: And now, a word from Britney Spears...
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Britney is just having fun y'all

Who said it best:
CelebNewsWire doesn't think much of the *apology*:
What we take issue with is Britney's claim that she hasn't been able to have fun or party for the past two years. And this is because . . . why? She hasn't been busy working. Or learning how to use a car seat. Or perfecting the art of personal grooming. Maybe cleaning skid marks out of Federline undies really tires a girl out (not to mention makes her recoil at the mere site of undergarments).
Image via BritneySpears.com

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Andy is a dick

The story:
Andy Dick used the 'n' word on stage in a desperate bid for attention.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Proof that Andy Dick has overplayed the "offensive" card
CelebSlam says: Now Andy Dick hates black people
Defamer says: Andy Dick not ready to give up his beloved n-bombs
Dlisted says: Andy Dick wants you to read this
The Superficial says: Andy Dick hops on the bandwagon

Who said it best:
A Socialite's Life knows which of Santa's list Andy is looking to be on:
In the spirit of Michael Richards and Mel Gibson, Andy Dick decided it was his turn to play "naughty celebrity."
Image via A Socialite's Life

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It's official: Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn were having a relationship

The story:
Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn have broken up.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: A Jennifer Aniston black dress moment
A Socialite's Life says: Aniston and Vince Vaughn over - wasn't that already kind of a done deal?
Celebitchy says: The prolonged breakup - Vaughn and Aniston
CelebNewsWire says: Vaughniston split over Hungarian indiscretion
Defamer says: Aniston and Vaughn break up again, probably for real this time
Dlisted says: Jen and Vince break up for real
Faded Youth says: The Break-Up
The Gilded Moose says: Jennifer Aniston, Harriet Tubman call it quits
Glitterati Gossip says: Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn: Hollywood's most famous un-couple break up
Haute Gossip says: No love for Jen?
Hollywood Rag says: Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn: it's really over!
I'm Not Obsessed says: Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn have broken up
Lainey Gossip says: Jennifer Aniston, eternal victim
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says: Vaughniston breaks up, no Oprah special planned
Mollygood says: Jen and Vince split, horror of horro--wait, they were still together?
Popsugar says: Jen and Vince call it quits
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: I guess there isn't going to be a sequel to The Break Up
The Superficial says: Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn really break up this time
Tabloid Whore says: It's finally official: Jen and Vince are finished
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Vince and Jennifer are done

Who said it best:
Defamer knows who ended this *relationship*:

It seems that a committee of interested publicists, agents, lawyers, producing partners, and film executives have finally decided that Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston can finally end their loose, unconvincing public association as a Hollywood power couple and pursue separate careers
Image via Faded Youth

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Yawn -- boring couple breaks up

The story:
Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody of The OC have broken up.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Adam and Rachel appear to be finito
Celebitchy says: Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody broke up
CelebNewsWire says: Summer and Seth's IRL bustup
Dlisted says: They were actually kind of cute together
Egotastic says: Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody are dunzo
Faded Youth says: Yawn, they're over. Next!
Lainey Gossip says: About Rachel and Adam
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says: Breaking up is the new black
Mollygood says: Rachel and Adam: Noooooooooooooooooo
Popsugar says: Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson split
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson are like over
The Superficial says: Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody break up
Tabloid Whore says: Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody have (sniff) broken up
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Rachel Bilson is single
Yeeeah says: Rachel Bilson is single


Who said it best:
Egotastic thinks the blogosphere won't get much mileage out of this break up:
According to Life & Style, it seems as though the split was mutual, so there isn't even any good post-relationship mudslinging to be had. Bummer.
Image via Yeeeah

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Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Next on a very special Maury

The story:
Eddie Murphy claims that ex-girlfriend Scary Spice's baby may not be his, and that he will be asking for a paternity test after the child is born.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Eddie Murphy's playing some f*cked up babydaddy shit
Celebitchy says: Eddie Murphy moves on from knocked up Scary with record speed
CelebNewsWire says: "You shouldn't jump to conclusions, sir."
Dlisted says: Eddie Murphy and Mel B not together?
I'm Not Obsessed says: Eddie Murphy now questioning paternity?
Lainey Gossip says: Eddie Murphy: baby momma drama curiously timed
Yeeeah says: Eddie Murphy not Scary baby daddy?

Who said it best:
Celebitchy seems to know where the denial stems from:
Maybe he couldn’t stand the fact that Mel couldn’t pass for a tranny when she was knocked up
Image via Dlisted

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