Paris' privates on view for $40

The story:
A new website is selling off some of Paris Hilton's belongings that were left in a storage locker, including nude photos and video.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Paris Hilton for sale
Best Week Ever says: Latest scandalous "Paris site" confirms everything we already knew about Paris Hilton
Cele|bitchy says: Paris' precious moments
CelebNewsWire says: "I got f*cked in the butt for coke!"
Defamer says: Today's opportunity to see Paris Hilton engaging in videotaped sex acts
Dlisted says: Do you really want to see Paris taking a bubble bath?
Egotastic says: Paris Hilton exposed...again
FHollywood Rag says: Paris Hilton exposed
I Don't Like You In That Way says: You can buy Paris Hilton's crap
Mollygood says: Paris Hilton overexposed
Popsugar says: Paris very very very exposed
The Superficial says: Paris Hilton gets exposed
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Paris Hilton is for sale

Who said it best:
No need to spend the 40 bucks yourself when Best Week Ever will sum up the site's contents for you:

So there you have it - sift through a little of Paris’ trashy trash and have your minds blown by all the documented evidence suggesting that she’s kind of slutty and stupid.

Paris to concentrate on acting

The story:
Parasite Hilton's New Year's resolution is to seriously concentrate on her acting career. Seriously.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Someone give that woman an Oscar
Celebslam says: "One Night in Paris" wins Best Actress Oscar
Celebrity Hijinx says: Brace yourself: Paris Hilton is one book away from being a serious actress
Dlisted says: Paris Hilton is the next Meryl Streep
Hollywood Rag says: Paris Hilton actually reads
Metadish says: Paris Hilton is ready to get serious
Mollygood says: Paris Hilton is comedy gold
The Superficial says: Paris Hilton is a serious actress

Who said it best:
Celebrity Hijinx thinks Hilton's upcoming pic has a good chance at being better than any of her previous projects:

The atomic bomb of her debut album apparently erased any memory of the previous atomic bombs of her acting gigs: ‘House of Wax’ and ‘Pledge This!’ She now wants to become a serious actress and is going to prove it to us in her upcoming romantic comedy ‘The Hottie and the Nottie,' (I smell an Oscar). She is determined for it to be her best big screen project to date - a bar set as high as a limbo stick at a cockroach birthday party.

Well, she's had a lot of experience acting surprised when her nips and cooter slip out.

Image via FlyNetOnline

Hey there sailor

The story:
Lindsay Lohan wore a revealing shirt with a fugly anchor on it.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: This way to the passenger loading area
CelebNewsWire says: Lindsay Lohan: c-word, c-through
Egotastic says: Lindsay Lohan's nipples are here...and here
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan shows some nipple
Yeeeah says: Lindsay can't keep her mouth or her naughty bits in check

Who said it best:
According to CelebNewsWire, Lindsay's just looking out for her sex life:

Oh, and furthermore, speaking of c-words, Lindsay's multitudinous beaux must be having a problem finding hers--although by this point we've all seen it so often that our three-year-old cousin can draw it from memory--because she's now taken to donning a map to the treasure

A non-TaraReid post about boobs

The story:
Barbra Streisand went braless in a see-through shirt at the Clinton Global Initiative.

Image via Dlisted

The combatants:
Hollywood Rag says: Oh my, Barbra Streisand's knockers
Tabloid Whore says: Barbra Streisand's got really big knockers
Dlisted says: Those breasts are just aching for a money shot!
The Superficial says: Barbra Streisand goes braless
Best Week Ever says: Guess the breasts
CelebNewsWire says: Barbraless Streisand
Slam-Cut says: Barbra Streisand's big saggy boobs
We Love Celebs says: Babs needs a bra
Haute Gossip says: My eyes!

Who said it best:
Best Week Ever ensures I will visit them again:

I’m sorry people, I really am. That was just mean.

Celebutard Justice

The story:
Paris Hilton played the dumb blonde when questioned by the LAPD about Joe Francis.


The combatants:
Defamer says: Paris Hilton willing to be dumb when it suits her
Dlisted says: Breaking News: Paris Hilton is stupido
CelebNewsWire says: Paris can not tell a lie: she's an idiot
The Superficial says: Paris Hilton admits her stupidity
Popsugar says: Paris knows she is dumb
Faded Youth says: Paris is, like, not that smart
Hollywood Rag says: Paris Hilton can't be this dumb

Who said it best:
Although I'm fairly certain that I am the dumb one for continuing to blog about her, CelebNewsWire managed to make me giggle:

Today in the Shit You Already Knew Department: Paris Hilton says she's, like, not all smart 'n' stuff. Also, sky is blue, water is wet, poop is icky, etc., etc. This concludes the demeaning-to-your-intellect portion of our broadcast.

Dem bones dem bones

The story:
Kate Bosworth's nipple slip was hardly noticed due to her concentration camp physique.

Image via Haute Gossip

The combatants:
Haute Gossip says: Newly single and in need of a dinner date. Hell, she just needs some dinner.
Celebrity Hijinx says: Anorexia chronicles: Kate Bosworth edition
The Superficial says: Kate Bosworth has a nipple slip
Defamer says: Kate Bosworth shriveled teat slip!
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Kate Bosworth slips a nip. And some ribs.
Dlisted says: Kate Bosworth's nipple slip
A Socialite's Life says: An interesting view of Kate Bosworth
Mollygood says: Yeesh watch: Kate Bosworth
CelebNewsWire says: Kate Bosworth slips sternum. Oh, and nip or something
Celebitchy says: Kate Bosworth breast slip
Tabloid Whore says: What the hell? Kate Bosworth and her sunken treasure chest

Who said it best:
While there's nothing funny about the state of Kate's exoskeleton, The Superficial finds a giggle:

And if you find yourself tempted to masturbate to these pictures, just head over to your local cemetary and dig up the real thing. It's erotic and it's classy.