That ain't no way, to buy a baby!

The story:
Angelina Jolie would not adopt a baby from a country where adoption is illegal, such as Malawi.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Angelina works one in on Madonna
A Socialite's Life says: Angelina slams Madonna's illegal adoption
Celebitchy says: Angelina Jolie answers Madonna's dig, one ups her
Dlisted says: Fighting words
Hollywood Rag says: Angelina Jolie weighs in on Madonna's adoption
I'm Not Obsessed says: Angelina Jolie on Madonna's adoption
Popsugar says: Angelina attacks Madonna
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Angelina Jolie uses some fighting words against Madonna
The Superficial says: Angelina Jolie thinks she's better than Madonna
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Angelina hates Madonna

Who said it best:
Dlisted hopes this doesn't turn into another celebrity feud:

Can’t we just get along? Angelina is not the queen of adoption! Mia Farrow is!

Image via A Socialite's Life

Madonna's shiner

The story:
Madonna appeared with a bruise on her face, reportedly caused by an overzealous paparazzo.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: If it's not a horse...
Dlisted says: Who gave Madge a beating?
Lainey Gossip says: Madonna: skulls, shades and green
Popsugar says: Paps give Madonna a shiner

Who said it best:
Dlisted doesn't think the incident could have been that serious:

Please, it was probably just a little shove. The elderly bruise easily.

Image via A Socialite's Life

Madonna tells all to Oprah

The story:
Madonna appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show to tell her side of the adoption story.


The combatants:
Defamer says: Madonna tells fellow rich lady messiah she did it all for the children
Popsugar says: Madonna tells all to Oprah
A Socialite's Life says: Madonna on Oprah
Lainey Gossip says: The truth about Madge and Ange
The Gilded Moose says: Madonna emerges from secret volcano; uses mind control to take over Oprah's audience
Dlisted says: Madge to cry on Oprah today
Hollywood Rag says: Madonna: adopted boy's father was manipulated

Who said it best:
Is there a simple explanation for the mix up? A Socialite's Life believes so:

I'm hoping that her defense on Oprah is that she'll happily show her receipt for the baby to anyone who doesn't believe it's hers. Maybe the problem is that they simply forgot to remove that little sensor thing. That happened to me at the GAP once.

England gets another immigrant

The story:
Madonna's newly adopted baby arrives in England from Malawi.


The combatants:
Defamer says: Madonna's African coup nears completion
Popsugar says: Madonna adoption, part 308
A Socialite's Life says: Madonna buys baby
Best Week Ever says: Kiss my black orphaned ass you old whore
Celebitchy says: Madonna breaks a man's heart
Dlisted says: Move over Zahara, there's a new African baby in town
Tabloid Whore says: Meet Madonna and Guy's new little man
Hollywood Rag says: Here's Madonna's boy

Who said it best:
Is there more to this story than just adoption? Defamer thinks so:

His arrival brings the makeshift British matron's African impulse-shopping spree to a close, having yielded her a children's charity, a high-court grant for a temporary adoption, and, presumably, an inside track to usurping the country's highest seat of power; once she's rechristened the country Madgelawi and turned "Justify My Love" into its national anthem, she can finally rest knowing that Angelina Jolie is weeping into her pillow about just not having tried hard enough.

Image via Hollywood Rag

Madonna adopts. No really, we mean it this time. Sort of.

The story:
Madonna and Guy Ritchie have been granted an interim adoption order for a 1 year old boy named David.



The combatants:
Celebrity Hijinx says: Will Madonna make up her mind?
The Superficial says: Madonna officially on the road to adoption
Defamer says: Madonna's adoption-denying publicist currently drafting vaguely worded denial of denial
Tabloid Whore says: Madonna or Angelina?
Celebitchy says: Madonna has filed to adopt Malawian boy amid controversy
Showbuzz says: Madonna and Guy adopt boy from Malawi
Dlisted says: Madonna's new purchase will live here

Who said it best:
Tabloid Whore would like you to put some serious thought into this story:

Now for the more important question. Even though both choices are good, if you were an orphan, who would you rather have adopt you...Madonna or Angelina Jolie
and why?

Image via Celebrity Hijinx

Becoming a mean material girl

The story:
Madonna has dumped Britney Spears and is now taking Lindsay Lohan under her wing.

Image via Haute Gossip

The combatants:
Mollygood says: Soon Lohan will know the value of Madge's teachings
Best Week Ever says: Lohan is Madonna's next apprentice
Tabloid Whore says: Madonna hanging with Lohan? Um, don't think so...
Dlisted says: Madge's next victim
Glitterati Gossip says: Madonna breaks up with Britney
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Madonna has a new minion
The Superficial says: Madonna puts the moves on Lindsay Lohan

Who said it best:
IDLYITW seems certain that Lindsay will fill the Kabballah void for Vadge:

You don't need to be on drugs to see how spiritually fulfilling channeling the powers of a red string is, but it would probably help, so Lindsay should do fine.