Carpet, drapes, match

The story:
Britney Spears shaved her head and got a couple of new tattoos over the weekend.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Britney Spears is now bald all over
A Socialite's Life says: The unraveling of Britney Spears
Cele|bitchy says: Britney Spears loses her sh*t, hair
Celebrity Hijinx says: Britney is bald
Defamer says: Newly bald Britney Spears makes tragically unfashionable cry for help in the valley
Dlisted says: Let the ratty wig wearing begin!
Egotastic says: Britney Spears bald: she shaved her own head
Faded Youth says: Britney goes bald
Haute Gossip says: Britney's lost the plot
Hollywood Rag says: Britney Spears shaves head for a wig
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Britney Spears is a bald-headed nightmare
Lainey Gossip says: Britney: the breakdown
Mollygood says: Britney's publicist says, "F&ck it!"
Popsugar says: Britney shaves her head
The Superficial says: Britney Spears shaved her head completely bald
Tabloid Whore says: Britney Spears shaves her head
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Britney's big night out
Yeeeah says: Britney Spears is f-ing bald

Who said it best:
Everyone is speculating what brought about this latest cry for help, but Celebrity Hijinx seems to have found the answer:

Havin' hair and two kids is hard y'all.

Image via People

Is there another bun in that overexposed oven?

The story:
Britney Spears is rumoured to be pregnant with her 3rd child. No word on who the father might be.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Britney has got to keep her knees shut
A Socialite's Life says: Oh Brit-Brit, say it ain't so
Best Week Ever says: Out of ideas for improving her image, has Britney gotten herself pregnant again?
Celebitchy says: Please don't let Britney be pregnant again
Defamer says: Does Britney have a bun of indeterminate parentage in the oven?
Dlisted says: Is Brit Brit knocked up again?
Egotastic says: Please tell me Britney Spears isn't pregnant again
Popsugar says: Britney pregnant again???
Tabloid Whore says: Rumors swirl that Britney is pregnant again
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Again?

Who said it best:
Best Week Ever can smell a comeback in the works:

But what better way to repair her polluted reputation in the eye of the press than bringing another life into the world, perhaps one who’s not even sure which wifebeater-wearing Vanilla Ice wannabe is its father - and is likely braindamaged due to its mother’s constantly mainlining Smirnoff Ice mixed with Red Bull?

Brit's message to 2 remaining 'fans'

The story:
Britney posted another message on her website.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Britney speaks
Defamer says: Britney Spears pledges to be bigger, better vagina-flasher going forward
Dlisted says: Britney writes a letter
Faded Youth says: Britney takes to her website again
Haute Gossip says: Britney speaks
Hollywood Rag says: Britney Spears latest message on her website
I'm Not Obsessed says: Britney Spears' online message to her fans
Lainey Gossip says: Britney's mea culpa
Mollygood says: Britney stays home long enough to write you a letter
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Another serious message from Britney Spears on her site
The Superficial says: Britney Spears is losing it
Tabloid Whore says: Britney Spears reaches out to fans: "I know I've been far from perfect"

Who said it best:
Defamer doesn't think Brit can lay the blame on the pappies for this one:

We're not exactly sure what Spears' promise to come back "better than ever" entails, but we suspect that's she already booked her laser vagina-rejuvenation surgery, determined that she won't again have her image so easily tarnished by the cruel lenses of the cooch-exaggerating media.

Nap time for Brit, and keeps panties on too!

The story:
Britney Spears passed out at 1am at the party she hosted at Las Vegas club Pure. Her rep claims she was just tired after a long day.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Animal has trouble keeping up with the big dogs
Celebitchy says: Britney slumps into the new year
CelebNewsWire says: Britney Spears is just like us! Passed out drunk on NYE!
Defamer says: Britney Spears innocently naps her way into 2007
Dlisted says: Britney Spears almost died on New Years!!!
Egotastic says: Britney Spears collapses on New Years
Faded Youth says: Tired? Gimme a break!
Glitterati Gossip says: Britney: "I was just tired, y'all!"
Haute Gossip says: Britney not wasted on NYE, just tired
Hollywood Rag says: Britney didn't pass out
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Britney Spears is a good host
Lainey Gossip says: Britney's New Years collapse: fact or fiction?
Mollygood says: Britney arrived in Vegas, and boy was she tired
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Britney Spears was just tired y'all
The Superficial says: Britney Spears falls asleep on New Years
Tabloid Whore says: Did Britney faint on New Year's Eve or was she just extra sleepy?
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Britney Spears passed out
Yeeeah says: Britney Spears rings in 2007 in style

Who said it best:
I Don't Like You In That Way is not falling for the sleepy-time story:

Girls don't get carried out of clubs because they get sleepy. They get carried out of clubs because they have puke in their hair and their panties in their purse.

Image via Haute Gossip

Britney's trash tour continues

The story:
Britney Spears was asked to leave the stage at burlesque club Forty Deuce after she decided to *perform* with her friends.

The combatants:
Best Week Ever says: Britney Spears: mother of the year
Celebitchy says: Button up Britney
CelebNewsWire says: Britney's back! (and so is her bra)
Dlisted says: I can't even comment anymore
Egotastic says: Britney Spears stripping at Forty Deuce
Faded Youth says: Dueling banj-hoes
Hollywood Rag says: Britney Spears tries to strip
Mollygood says: Someone get this woman a hog to straddle

Who said it best:
While the strip tease may have offended some, Mollygood is horrified for a whole other reason:

When the reports originally stated that the starlet "unzipped her top" it didn't even cross my mind that she could have been wearing a jean vest. A jean vest, people. Are there patches on that JEAN VEST? Maybe. It's just too bad it wasn't acid washed.

Image via Egotastic

She should have had some knickers drawn on while she was at it

The story:
Britney Spears took little sister Jamie Lynn to a seedy LA tattoo parlour, where she had a dice tattoo that she shares with Kfed changed.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Britney gets wholesome and takes her little sister to a tattoo parlor
Best Week Ever says: The Britney monster strikes again!
Celebrity Hijinx says: Looking good, girl
Dlisted says: BritBrit takes her kid sister to a tattoo parlor
Faded Youth says: Britney's new tattoo
Hollywood Rag says: Britney Spears and sister visit tattoo shop
I'm Not Obsessed says: Britney Spears gets a star tattoo
Lainey Gossip says: Britney Spears: relative thinking
Popsugar says: Did Britney cheat?
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Britney Spears is such a good role model for her sister...not!

Who said it best:
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! thinks this demonstrates how Brit has taken Jamie Lynn under her wing, showing her the finer points of being young and hip in Hollywood:

You know she is teaching her how to drink and go out without undies?

Image via Dlisted

Open season on beaver comes to an end

The story:
Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are no longer BFF, after Britney was told by *her people* to start acting more adult if she wanted to launch a comeback.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Paris and Britney done?
Best Week Ever says: Who will become Britney's next bad influence?
CelebNewsWire says: Britney goes old school with boob flash
Dlisted says: But we've only just begun
Faded Youth says: The day the music died
Hollywood Rag says: Britney Spears buys her own CD
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Britney and Paris have broken up
I'm Not Obsessed says: Britney Spears told to stay away from Paris Hilton
Lainey Gossip says: Britney vs Hollywood Ebola: a fight brews?
Popsugar says: Britney and Paris break up
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: A moment of silence for Britney Spears and Paris Hilton's friendship?
The Superficial says: Britney Spears and Paris Hilton break up
What Would Tyler Durden Do says:

Who said it best:
I Don't Like You In That Way doesn't think much of the plan:

The only way Britney Spears could make a comeback is if she woke up tomorrow and wasn't Britney Spears.

Who needs a tell-all when we've already seen-all?

The story:
Kfed is reportedly planning a tell-all memoir about his marriage to Britney.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Kfed to pretend he can write?
Best Week Ever says: Kfed planning to learn how to write?
CelebNewsWire says: Kfed pretends to know meaning of 'verb,' plans book
Faded Youth says: How low can you go? Just ask Kfed
Hollywood Rag says: Kfed plans Britney Spears tell all
Popsugar says: Kevin threatens Britney with tell-all book
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline wants to reveal secrets
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Kfed wants to write a book

Who said it best:
Best Week Ever is somewhat impressed with the new project:

While we’re not surprised to learn that Kevin is planning to wring every last drop of exploitative cash out of his marriage to Britney, we are both shocked and proud to learn that he is finally going to get around to conquering literacy.

He's so cute y'all!

The story:
Britney Spears was caught smooching a new man on the weekend, record producer JR Rotem.

The combatants:
Best Week Ever says: Celebrity Math: you'll spontaneously shower edition
Celebrity Hijinx says: A day in the life
Dlisted says: Britney kisses new dude - not that exciting
Faded Youth says: Britney's mystery man a mystery no more
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Britney went on a date, got laid
I'm Not Obsessed says: Britney Spears caught kissing some dude
Lainey Gossip says: Britney...already???
Mollygood says: Brit Brit's got a brand new man
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: Britney Spears was making out with her producer?
The Superficial says: Britney Spears kisses mystery man

Who said it best:
Lainey Gossip has high hopes for this relationship:

Hopefully his gainful employment means he doesn't need to exercise the super sperm. I could go at least 6 months without seeing her pregnant... You?

Image via Mollygood

But the key is you have to put the underwear on...

The story:
Britney Spears posted a message on her website attempting to explain recent behaviour.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Britney speaks
Best Week Ever says: Britney Spears vagina jokes officially dead
Celebitchy says: Britney Spears in half-assed attempt to mend her image
CelebNewsWire says: Britney flaps her lips - this time, via written word
Celebrity Hijinx says: Questionable Quotes: B.S.
Defamer says: Britney Spears to rediscover joys of family, temperance, panties
Dlisted says: Britney speaks!
Faded Youth says: Britney Spears, confessions of a party girl
Haute Gossip says: A message from Britney
Hollywood Rag says: A message from Britney Spears
I'm Not Obsessed says: Britney Spears addresses her fans on her website
Lainey Gossip says: Britney's perfect defense
Mollygood says: Britney never expected us to care so much about seeing her naughty place
Popsugar says: Britney's new message
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Britney Spears sends a message to her fans via her site!
The Superficial says: Britney Spears talks about her behavior
Tabloid Whore says: And now, a word from Britney Spears...
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Britney is just having fun y'all

Who said it best:
CelebNewsWire doesn't think much of the *apology*:

What we take issue with is Britney's claim that she hasn't been able to have fun or party for the past two years. And this is because . . . why? She hasn't been busy working. Or learning how to use a car seat. Or perfecting the art of personal grooming. Maybe cleaning skid marks out of Federline undies really tires a girl out (not to mention makes her recoil at the mere site of undergarments).

Image via BritneySpears.com

Brit's b-day, complete with panties and half-wedgie

The story:
Britney Spears celebrated her 25th birthday over the weekend by showing off some of the new panties she purchased last week.

The combatants:
Celebitchy says: Britney turned 25, but where was Paris?
CelebNewsWire says: Britney Spears panty party! Britney Spears panty party!
Dlisted says: Breaking news: BritBrit wears panties
Haute Gossip says: Brit flashes us AGAIN
I'm Not Obsessed says: Britney Spears gets her cake and shows off her panties
Lainey Gossip says: Britney Spears at 25
Mollygood says: You know Brit don't give a 'f' cause it's her birthday
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Britney spends her 25th birthday wearing panties!!!
The Superficial says: Britney Spears turns 25

Who said it best:
Lainey Gossip is impressed with Brit's work ethic:

Britney may be borderline learning impaired but she’s also one of the best, one of the most manipulative famewhores in the business, as you can see from her open antics at Mr. Chow during her birthday dinner.

Image via FlyNetOnline.com

Since we didn't get that sex tape...

The story:
Britney Spears' first husband Jason Alexander is going to write a book about his time with the pop tart.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Britney's horrible taste in men will haunt her until the day she dies
Best Week Ever says: Britney's first poor marriage decision adorably lapping up last drops of his own relevance
Celebitchy says: Britney's first husband to write tell-all book
CelebNewsWire says: In lieu of Britney vag, we bring you Britney sex tales
Lainey Gossip says: Britney: everyone has a story
Popsugar says: Everybody's talking about Britney

Who said it best:
Celebitchy explains why Alexander decided to write the tell-all now:

He claims there’s no way he would get back with Britney again. This seems to be a turnaround from his previous statements that he still loves her. Chances are he saw her once-coveted snatch online like the rest of us.

Image via lime-light.org

Mother Paris

The story:
Paris and Britney went shopping in LA, and Paris was photographed holding SPF.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Britney's comeback continues to take a dark turn
Dlisted says: Kfed now has a case in this custody battle thing
The Gilded Moose says: 'This scarf is heavy,' by Paris Hilton
Haute Gossip says: No one can help you if you won't help yourself
Popsugar says: Will Britney turn into Paris?

Who said it best:
Dlisted is worried about SPFs medical well-being:

Why?! What did that kid do to deserve a STD? I mean now that Paris has touched him you know he has one.

Image via Splash News

Ho Ho Ho and I don't mean Merry Christmas

The story:
The Trifecta of Trash were photographed out partying together.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Yeah, this is a step up
A Socialite's Life says: Huh?
Dlisted says: That was fast: Brit, Paris and Lohan back together
Egotastic says: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em: Lindsay Lohan makes nice with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears
Hollywood Rag says: Bottoms down Britney Spears
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Lindsay Lohan is pathetic
I'm not Obsessed says: I'm confused! Are Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan fighting or what?
Lainey Gossip says: Paris and Lindsay and the Britney sandwich
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says:
Mollygood says: Lindsay is finally one of the Mean Girls
Popsugar says: The new threesome: Lindsay, Brit, and Paris
The Superficial says: Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears complete unholy trinity

Who said it best:
The Superficial is worried about the signals these 3 are sending:

I'm a little rusty on the Bible but I'm pretty sure this is at least one or two signs of the apocalypse. You put these three together in a car and whatever disease crawls out will most likely end the world. It'll be a strain of STD so great and powerful it'll have claws and a face and be the size of a full grown bear.

Image via X17 online

At least she's still wearing panties

The story:
Britney and Paris are still partying like BFF, in LA this time, and Britney managed to flash her panties for the paparazzi.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Britney slumming again
Celebrity Hijinx says: Rock out with her cock out (almost)
Dlisted says: The STD twins are out again!
Egotastic says: Britney Spears joins the upskirt club
Gossip or Truth says: Britney and Paris part II
Haute Gossip says: Double your pleasure
Lainey Gossip says: Britney & Paris: inseparable in LA
Mollygood says: This used to be Kfed's playground
Popsugar says: Britney makes it so hard
The Superficial says: Britney Spears takes lessons from Paris Hilton

Who said it best:
Lainey Gossip would like to be a fly on the wall when these party girls hit the club:

Given that she willingly married Kevin Federline and was pimped into superstardom by her parents before learning how to spell properly, Britney’s intellectual capabilities likely hover somewhere around Jessica Simpson’s and since we all know Paris Hilton is as dumb as f&ck (thank you Tina Fey), I can’t even imagine the size of the cerebral black hole that undoubtedly opens up in the universe whenever these two get together.

Image via Britney.com

Britney's got no sense of hee-haw

The story:
Britney Spears was uninformed about and unamused by Jimmy Kimmel's Kfed sketch at the AMAs.



The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Sketch gets Britney pissed
Celebrity Smack says: Britney upset at Kfed skit at AMAs
Mollygood says: Britney does not encourage drowning Kfed
Popsugar says: Britney furious over Kimmel sketch
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Britney and Kfed didn't find Jimmy Kimmel's jokes funny at the AMAs
The Superficial says: Britney Spears can't take a joke

Who said it best:
The Superficial doesn't understand Britney's problem with the skit:

Too soon to be joking about murdering your ex-husband? A little too soon? Considering the stuff he says about her you'd think she came up with the idea for the sketch herself.

Chaotic yes, Erotic no

The story:
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline claim that there is no video of them having sex, and they certainly have never been filmed playing chess.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: No masturbatory fodder for you
Best Week Ever says: Is Kfed rich?
Celebitchy says: Kfed says sex tape does not exist, but if it did he's totally cash in
CelebNewsWire says: Oops..I dildo'd it again just a figment of your imagination
Defamer says: Spears and Federline to kill your sex tape dreams
Dlisted says: Kfed confirms there's no sex tape
Glitterati Gossip says: What? No sex tape?
Hollywood Rag says: Kfed's attorney denies sex tape
Mollygood says: The day the music, and by music I mean the opportunity to see what the Kfed is packing, died
The Superficial says: Kfed says there is no sex tape
Tabloid Whore says: You can calm down now. No Britney/Kevin sex tape exists
Yeeeah says: There is no sex tape

Who said it best:
Despite the existence of all that is Chaotic, Agent Bedhead is inclined to believe these two former love monkeys:

I’m leaning towards the tape never existing. Primarily because of the claims they played the random game of chess while taking a break from their marathon lust fest. Claiming that one of them has the cognitive abilities to play chess is stretching the B.S. factor. Claiming both of them know how to play, well that dog just don’t hunt.

Image via Gallery of the Absurd

Herpes Anonymous meeting in Vegas

The story:
Britney Spears was spotted partying in Vegas over the weekend with Parasite Hilton, and Mario Lopez (?), and at one point without her pants.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Britney Spears heads to Vegas and hangs with Mario Lopez
Best Week Ever says: You had us, you lost us
CelebNewsWire says: Paris & Britney: sisters in sex tapes
Celebrity Hijinx says: Odd couple
Dlisted says: What and why?!
Egotastic says: Signs of the Apocalypse: Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are friends
Glitterati Gossip says: Paris and Britney, new BFF
Haute Gossip says: Oh Brit, we had such hope for you
Hollywood Rag says: Britney Spears parties with Paris Hilton
Lainey Gossip says: Hollywood Ebola infects Britney
Mollygood says: Britney wooed over to the dark side
Popsugar says: Britney and Paris: girls gone wild
The Superficial says: Britney Spears drops her pants in public
Tabloid Whore says: Britney dumps one piece of trash in exchange for another

Who said it best:
Celebrity Hijinx may have an explanation for the Hilton encounter:

While it looks like the two were out partying in Vegas, I think the only two possible reasons these two might be together are 1. chance encounter 2. Britney was asking for advice about Kevin's gift that keeps on giving.

Image via Splash News

Sean Preston and Jayden James will be so proud of dad!

The story:
Kevin Federline is reportedly shopping a sex tape that he made with Britney Spears when they first got together.

The combatants:
Celebitchy says: Will Kfed get $50 mil for a real sex tape?
CelebNewsWire says: Federlines only marketable asset: Britney sex tape
Dlisted says: Is Kfed selling the Britney sex tape?
Egotastic says: This Britney Spears sex tape has been brought to you by Kevin Federline
Glitterati Gossip says: Is Kfed blackmailing Britney?
Hollywood Rag says: Kevin Federline might sell a sex tape
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Britney Spears is almost a porn star
Mollygood says: ...but do we really want to see Kevin's O-face?
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline to sell sex tape
Yeeeah says: Britney sex tape to hit the net

Who said it best:

CelebNewsWire is getting a little tired of the Federlines:

It's official: For every day until the end of time (or at least until Britney's demise in a bizarre poisoned hair-extension accident) you will encounter a minimum of three gossip items concerning Britney Spears and/or Kevin Federline.

Kfed wants the kids

The story:
Kevin Federline has filed a petition asking for custody of his children with Britney Spears (funny, he never asked for custody of his other kids).

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: FedEx fights for full custody
Celebitchy says: Kfed gets to keep his crap, wants the kids too
CelebNewsWire says: Kfed hoping Tao has a full-time babysitter
Dlisted says: Kfed makes us all laugh!
Haute Gossip says: This is getting good
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Brit and Kfedervorce update
Lainey Gossip says: Golddigger keeps digging
Popsugar says: Kfed fights back
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline wants money and the kids
Tabloid Whore says: Kevin Federline sues Britney for full custody of the kids

Who said it best:
The Superficial has the inside track on the potential outcome to this custody battle:

If this thing goes to court the judge is gonna take a long hard look at Kevin and Britney and just hand custody over to a pair of racoons he saw at the park. And sure they might have rabies, but that just means they're only slightly more qualified than either of these two.

Image via Celebitchy