Here come the Beckhams

The story:
David Beckham has signed to play for the MLS LA Galaxy starting in August.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: David Beckham and his wife's boobies kiss Europe goodbye
A Socialite's Life says: "Give me your perfectly manicured, your trendy. Your well coiffed masses..."
Best Week Ever says: Posh and Becks to begin stealing valuable American oxygen
Defamer says: British tabloid industry reaches landmark deal to export leading attention whores to Los Angeles
Dlisted says: The Becks are coming!!!
Haute Gossip says: Beckham now the 250 million dollar man
Hollywood Rag says: The Beckhams are coming to LA
I'm Not Obsessed says: David Beckham really does love me
Lainey Gossip says: Becks: exit Spain, enter LA
Mollygood says: David Beckham moves to LA, takes up important role as Maddox's personal coach
Popsugar says: The Beckhams are coming to America
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Posh scores her goal! David Beckham signs with the LA Galaxy
The Superficial says: David and Victoria Beckham moving to America

Who said it best:
For Defamer, the "Made in America" label still means something:

We are wholeheartedly against the idea of foreign attention whores stealing away scarce Lohan-diddling and vagina-flashing opportunities from our homegrown celebutards, and we'd rather see our native paparazzi burn down Los Angeles rather than forfeit their turf to the coming wave of alien guerrilla photographers who will soon be dispatched to document the Beckhams' every Starbucks visit.

That's some spot on casting

The story:
Tom Cruise is reportedly casting Victoria Beckham as an alien princess in an upcoming Scientology movie he is producing.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Victoria Beckham is an alien life form
Defamer says: Kirstie Allie enraged that Tom Cruise didn't first consider her for alien bride role in fictional 'thetan' movie
Dlisted says: Type casting
Hollywood Tuna says: Victoria Beckham to play a fake breasted alien in Scientology film
Metadish says: Another star is born
Popsugar says: Tom casts Victoria as an alien

Who said it best:
Metadish is already impressed with Posh's acting chops:

Victoria Beckham will further legitimize her career by starring as an alien bride in the Scientology film, The Thetan. The movie's director, Tom Cruise, says he chose Beckham because she is a "comic genius." The Acadamy should probably just give her an Oscar right now.

Image via Agent Bedhead

Bend over like (Victoria) Beckham

The story:
Victoria Beckham is wearing her hair short because her extensions kept falling out during sex with uber-hot hubby David.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: The reason behind Victoria Beckham's hair loss
CelebNewsWire says: Victoria Beckham loses hair sextensions
Celebrity Hijinx says: Posh hates it hairy
Dlisted says: She has sex?
Haute Gossip says: Posh likes it rough
Lainey Gossip says: Posh and Becks: hot sex causes alopecia?
Mollygood says: Nothing kills the mood like fake hair in the bed
Popsugar says: Posh's bob reason revealed

Who said it best:

CelebNewsWire has the most descriptive recappage of why Posh changed her hairstyle:

Some speculated that it was a way to balance out her terrible, terrible boobs, some said she wanted to spark a new trend, but the truth of the matter is that the penile ministrations of husband David Beckham were hearty enough to cause her extensions to fall out. In essence, he f&cked her weave off.

Image via Dlisted