Kfed not even employable in fast food industry

The story:
The National Restaurant Association was insulted by Kfed's depiction of a fast food worker in an upcoming commercial to be aired during the Super Bowl.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Federline ad angers restaurant industry
A Socialite's Life says: Kevin Federline's Super Bowl ad causing drama
Celebrity Hijinx says: Fast food workers and their dying souls
Defamer says: Fast food industry bristles at suggestion that Kfed is qualified to work drive thru window
Faded Youth says: Kfed disgraces the fast food industry
Mollygood says: Federline vs Fast Food Nation
Starpulse News says: Kevin Federline commercial angers fast food workers

Who said it best:
Defamer thinks the NRA is kicking the Kfed while he's down:

Federline just can't seem to catch a break, however, as his biggest gig since, well, ever, is now under fire from a restaurant association that takes issue with the commercial's implication that a fate of flipping burgers was somehow less desirable than, say, spending your days getting baked in your birthday Lamborghini.

The Firecrotch burns!

The story:
Kfed tried to put the text message moves on Lindsay Lohan, but was promptly rebuffed.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Kfed's 15 minutes are really, really up
A Socialite's Life says: Karl would have thrown a shit fit
CelebSlam says: Kfed refuses to give up
Haute Gossip says: Blohan turns Kfed down for realz
I'm Not Obsessed says: Kevin Federline tried to kick it to Lindsay Lohan
Lainey Gossip says: Lindsay Lohan: sober AND smart?
Mollygood says: Kevin wants to keep his hyperactive sperm within the starlet A-list
Popsugar says: Kfed attempts to land LL
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Even Lindsay Lohan thinks Kfed is pathetic
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline hits on Lindsay Lohan
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Kfed is smooth, yo

Who said it best:
Lainey Gossip is impressed with the 07 LiLo:

Drinking water AND rejecting losers AND at least several weeks since her last hospitalization? Am shocked…

Image via Lainey Gossip

Who needs a tell-all when we've already seen-all?

The story:
Kfed is reportedly planning a tell-all memoir about his marriage to Britney.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Kfed to pretend he can write?
Best Week Ever says: Kfed planning to learn how to write?
CelebNewsWire says: Kfed pretends to know meaning of 'verb,' plans book
Faded Youth says: How low can you go? Just ask Kfed
Hollywood Rag says: Kfed plans Britney Spears tell all
Popsugar says: Kevin threatens Britney with tell-all book
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline wants to reveal secrets
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Kfed wants to write a book

Who said it best:
Best Week Ever is somewhat impressed with the new project:

While we’re not surprised to learn that Kevin is planning to wring every last drop of exploitative cash out of his marriage to Britney, we are both shocked and proud to learn that he is finally going to get around to conquering literacy.

Puh-lease!

The story:
Kfed may be getting his own reality show.

The combatants:
Celebitchy says: Kfed is trying to get a reality show
Defamer says: Kevin Federline's hamburger flipping adventures to be subject of new reality series
Dlisted says: House of Kfed?
Faded Youth says: House of kfed
Glitterarit Gossip says: Kfed gets his own reality show
US Magazine Online says: Kevin Federline to do reality tv show

Who said it best:
Defamer can see how the show might be a positive for Kfed:

As Britney Spears continues on her gum smacking, vagina-flashing, Jager-Bomb-slamming party exploits with "Auntie Paris" (as her children have been explicitly instructed to now refer to the new blonde lady in their lives who keeps ashing into their plastic Cheerios containers), suddenly Kevin Federline comes off looking not so bad.

Kfed is a cheater as well as a deadbeat

The story:
Kfed reportedly cheated on Britney with porn star Kendra Jade.

The combatants:
Allie is Wired says: Kevin Federline cheated on Britney Spears with Kendra Jade?
A Socialite's Life says: Kfed messed around with porn star?
Best Week Ever says: The more you (wish you didn't) know: Kfed's other woman
Dlisted says: Did Kfed cheat on Britney with her?
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Kevin Federline cheated with porn star
Lainey Gossip says: Kfed and Kendra Jade...and Lukas Rossi?
Popsugar says: Did Kfed cheat with a porn star?
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline cheated on Britney Spears with a porn star

Who said it best:
Best Week Ever thinks Kfed's new lady is a keeper:

It’s good to see that Kevin’s moving up in the world. It’s about time he found himself a girl he could take home to mom.

Image via The Superficial

Britney's got no sense of hee-haw

The story:
Britney Spears was uninformed about and unamused by Jimmy Kimmel's Kfed sketch at the AMAs.



The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Sketch gets Britney pissed
Celebrity Smack says: Britney upset at Kfed skit at AMAs
Mollygood says: Britney does not encourage drowning Kfed
Popsugar says: Britney furious over Kimmel sketch
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Britney and Kfed didn't find Jimmy Kimmel's jokes funny at the AMAs
The Superficial says: Britney Spears can't take a joke

Who said it best:
The Superficial doesn't understand Britney's problem with the skit:

Too soon to be joking about murdering your ex-husband? A little too soon? Considering the stuff he says about her you'd think she came up with the idea for the sketch herself.

Chaotic yes, Erotic no

The story:
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline claim that there is no video of them having sex, and they certainly have never been filmed playing chess.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: No masturbatory fodder for you
Best Week Ever says: Is Kfed rich?
Celebitchy says: Kfed says sex tape does not exist, but if it did he's totally cash in
CelebNewsWire says: Oops..I dildo'd it again just a figment of your imagination
Defamer says: Spears and Federline to kill your sex tape dreams
Dlisted says: Kfed confirms there's no sex tape
Glitterati Gossip says: What? No sex tape?
Hollywood Rag says: Kfed's attorney denies sex tape
Mollygood says: The day the music, and by music I mean the opportunity to see what the Kfed is packing, died
The Superficial says: Kfed says there is no sex tape
Tabloid Whore says: You can calm down now. No Britney/Kevin sex tape exists
Yeeeah says: There is no sex tape

Who said it best:
Despite the existence of all that is Chaotic, Agent Bedhead is inclined to believe these two former love monkeys:

I’m leaning towards the tape never existing. Primarily because of the claims they played the random game of chess while taking a break from their marathon lust fest. Claiming that one of them has the cognitive abilities to play chess is stretching the B.S. factor. Claiming both of them know how to play, well that dog just don’t hunt.

Image via Gallery of the Absurd

Awesome comeback dude

The story:
Kfed left a note in his dressing room at a recent *concert* after finding out Britney was divorcing him.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Kfed's thoughts and feelings are beautiful...
Best Week Ever says: Sizzler: Fed-Ex leaves Britney a Fresnoian High-ku message in his dressing room
Celebitchy says: Kfed writes message to Britney on bathroom wall
CelebNewsWire says: Kevin Federline presents: F*uck a wife
Defamer says: The Graffitti of Truth Part II: the emancipation of Kfed
Dlisted says: Kfed is beyond mentally retarded
The Gilded Moose says: Nelson Mandela, Harriet Tubman hail Kfeds manifesto of freedom
Lainey Gossip says: Kfed: the black marker message
The Superficial says: Kfed writes mean stuff on doors
Tabloid Whore says: Federline abuses shower door in letter to "the ladies"

Who said it best:
Defamer reads between the lines to find the purpose to this Sharpie scribble:

It's entirely possible that Federline intended this message (which calls to mind his estranged wife's immortal Graffiti of Truth) to serve as a simultaneous filing of a divorce counter-suit and a child custody claim, hoping to bypass the luxury of prohibitively expensive legal counsel.

Sean Preston and Jayden James will be so proud of dad!

The story:
Kevin Federline is reportedly shopping a sex tape that he made with Britney Spears when they first got together.

The combatants:
Celebitchy says: Will Kfed get $50 mil for a real sex tape?
CelebNewsWire says: Federlines only marketable asset: Britney sex tape
Dlisted says: Is Kfed selling the Britney sex tape?
Egotastic says: This Britney Spears sex tape has been brought to you by Kevin Federline
Glitterati Gossip says: Is Kfed blackmailing Britney?
Hollywood Rag says: Kevin Federline might sell a sex tape
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Britney Spears is almost a porn star
Mollygood says: ...but do we really want to see Kevin's O-face?
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline to sell sex tape
Yeeeah says: Britney sex tape to hit the net

Who said it best:

CelebNewsWire is getting a little tired of the Federlines:

It's official: For every day until the end of time (or at least until Britney's demise in a bizarre poisoned hair-extension accident) you will encounter a minimum of three gossip items concerning Britney Spears and/or Kevin Federline.

Kfed wants beer??

The story:
Kfed's hospitality rider has been uncovered by the Smoking Gun.

The combatants:
Best Week Ever says: Kevin demands Doritos, your continued attention
Defamer says: Kfed's concert rider game is ridiculous
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Kfed demands only the best
Mollygood says: The evidence is in the Cheetohs, or lack thereof
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline has demands

Who said it best:
Mollygood may have found the cause of tension in the recently dissolved Federline marriage:

The demands are pretty minimal, but I, too, might have to think twice about my marriage if my husband was that confused and wishy-washy about beer.

Image via Best Week Ever

Kfed wants the kids

The story:
Kevin Federline has filed a petition asking for custody of his children with Britney Spears (funny, he never asked for custody of his other kids).

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: FedEx fights for full custody
Celebitchy says: Kfed gets to keep his crap, wants the kids too
CelebNewsWire says: Kfed hoping Tao has a full-time babysitter
Dlisted says: Kfed makes us all laugh!
Haute Gossip says: This is getting good
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Brit and Kfedervorce update
Lainey Gossip says: Golddigger keeps digging
Popsugar says: Kfed fights back
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline wants money and the kids
Tabloid Whore says: Kevin Federline sues Britney for full custody of the kids

Who said it best:
The Superficial has the inside track on the potential outcome to this custody battle:

If this thing goes to court the judge is gonna take a long hard look at Kevin and Britney and just hand custody over to a pair of racoons he saw at the park. And sure they might have rabies, but that just means they're only slightly more qualified than either of these two.

Image via Celebitchy

Dumped by text message

The story:
Did Kfed get the boot by text message while being filmed by MuchMusic?

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Kevin Federline talking a day before the divorce
Best Week Ever says: Brit 2 Kfed: Its ova. ROTFL. KIT!
Celebitchy says: Video of Kfed getting the news that Britney is divorcing him
Defamer says: FedEx in the morning: a Kfed and Britney divorce! shocker! round-up
Dlisted says: A war for Britney and Kfed?
Haute Gossip says: I've been waiting for this
Hollywood Rag says: Kfed gets news by text message
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Kfed gets texted
Lainey Gossip says: The divorce, the stakes, the rumours
Mollygood says: Watch Kevin watch his life slip away
Popsugar says: Kfed found out about the divorce via text?
Tabloid Whore says: Caught on tape: Federline gets the bad news

Who said it best:
I Don't Like You In That Way wonders how Kevin is feeling:

I've never been burned alive and had my ashes launched into outer space then sucked through a black hole, but I imagine that's how K-Fed feels at this very moment. K-Fed had no idea. One minute he's sipping Cristal in the VIP room, the next he's renting a booth at the swap meet to pay for his legal fees.

Britney smarter than Sir Paul

The story:
Britney Spears had an ironclad pre-nup, and won't be sharing her fortune with Kfed.

The combatants:
Best Week Ever says: Sizzler: Brit & Kfed's pre-nup details!
Celebrity Hijinx says: The "Iron Clad" pre-nup: emerging details
Dlisted says: How much is Kfed going to get?
Popsugar says: Britney's battle could turn nasty

Who said it best:
Celebrity Hijinx breaks down the details for us:

In other words, Britney is still a millionaire and K-Fed's broke ass will be selling cell phone and detailing cars in about 2 years. Not so pimpy, eh?

The story you have been waiting for...

The story:
Britney Spears filed for divorce today.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Britney Spears: milf and pop cultures most eligible bachelorette or not?
A Socialite's Life says: Breaking: Britney finally wakes the fuck up
Best Week Ever says: Holy S**t! Britney files for divorce!
Celebitchy says: Britney surprises clueless Kfed with divorce papers

CelebNewsWire says: Breaking (away): Britney from Kevin! Officially!
Celebrity Hijinx says: Breaking news: Britney files for divorce
Defamer says: Breaking: Britney Spears divorcing Kfed, immediately begins search for next bad relationship
Dlisted says: Britney Spears files for divorce!
Egotastic says: Britney Spears to divorce Kevin Federline
Glitterati says: Fed up, Britney files for divorce
Haute Gossip says: Britney files for divorce. Hallelulah!
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Britney is finally dumping Kfed
Lainey Gossip says: Britney! Victory!
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says: Britney Spears finally comes to her senses
Mollygood says: Britney files for divorce from Kevin? (cue jaw drop)
Popsugar says: Britney's back baby! Time to show Kevin the door
The Superficial says: Britney Spears files for divorce
Tabloid Whore says: Say whaa? Britney Spears files for divorce!
Yeeeah says: Britney Spears files for divorce

Who said it best:
Agent Bedhead is looking forward to the completion of Brit's makeover:

Just a day after revealing her surgeon’s latest work of art and a couple of weeks at the gym on David Letterman’s show last night, TMZ announces that Britney has decided to drop at least another 200 pounds of dead weight.

Kfed may be cancelled

The story:
Kfed's concert at Webster Hall (NY) may be cancelled due to slow ticket sales.

The combatants:
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline might not be as great as he thinks he is
Gawker says: Selling as well as expected
Mollygood says: Britney takes her mind off Kfed's failing career
Dlisted says: They can't cancel Kfed!!!
Hollywood Rag says: Britney Spears soars while Kfed bombs

Who said it best:
Mollygood thinks there must be a good reason for the slow sales:

Clearly, all we needed was a simple reminder. I'm sure this show will be sold out in no time...so get your tickets now and be sure to tell me all about how the show is. Too bad I've gotta wash my hair that night.

Image via Popsugar

Just say no to sexy male dancers

The story:
Kfed doesn't want Britney to have any sexy male dancers in her music video as he is afraid of being replaced.



The combatants:
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Kfed is desparate
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline is insecure
Mollygood says: Note to world: Kfed was not Britney's back-up dancer. Also, I'm a huge loser
Popsugar says: Is Kfed insecure?
A Socialite's Life says: Kfed looking to keep gravy train from being derailed
Best Week Ever says: While you were freaking out
CelebNewsWire says: Kevin wants Britney fat and surrounded by women
Gabsmash says: Kfed tells Brit "Boys ain't allowed"

Who said it best:
The Superficial may have found the real reason for Kfed's supposed insecurity:

So all this time I thought Britney Spears was just letting herself go when it was really Kevin Federline fugging her up so nobody else would want her. Well played, Federline. Well played.

Kfed gets Pop-a-zao-d!

The story:
Kevin Federline does a guest spot on CSI and takes a shot to the gut.

Image via Tabloid Whore

The combatants:
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline makes his acting debut
A Socialite's Life says: TV in the morning: Kevin Federline on CSI
Tabloid Whore says: Watch Kevin Federline on CSI
Mollygood says: Weekend moving picture: Kfed on the TV
Defamer says: Kfed's acting career off to an auspicious start
Dlisted says: And the emmy goes to...
Celebrity Hijinx says: Kfed's typecast for the $5 role

Who said it best:
A Socialite's Life would like to see more of Kfed on the small screen:

The scene moved me to tears people. Would anyone else like to recreate that for us?

Are you ready to rock?

The story:
Kfed unleashed his craptastic new single on an unsuspecting audience at the Teen Choice Awards Sunday night.

Image via Dlisted

The combatants:
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline rocks the Teen Choice Awards
Lainey Gossip says: Teen Choice 2006 Best and Worst
Defamer says: Kfed finally shows the world he's earned his ridicule all by himself
Dlisted says: The man, the legend, the talent...
Popsugar says: Kfed loses control
US Weekly Online says: Make some noise for Kfed, yo
A Socialite's Life says: Kevin Federline inspires teens
Tabloid Whore says: Ahh yeah, a Kevin Federline weekend
Mollygood says: Yo! Federline raps
Celebitchy says: Kfed sets white rappers back 15 years

Who said it best:
US Weekly gives a great description of the grand opening:

At first it’s hard to locate The Fed, as the performance involves several baggy-clothed, ’beater-wearing decoy K-Feds — like the trailer park version of that scene in The Thomas Crown Affair when all of the bowler hat-wearing, briefcase-carrying dudes unleash upon the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Britney and Kevin still together

The story:
Britney Spears was photographed with her husband for the first time in 2 months.

Image via Haute Gossip

The combatants:
Defamer says: Kfed seen touching one of his own children
Haute Gossip says: Oh great, he's back
Popsugar says: Breaking News: Britney and Kevin together
US Weekly Online says: Breaking: K-fed seen holding one of his own children!
Dlisted says: The return of Kfed
Tabloid Whore says: Britney and Kevin have a family day
Mollygood says: Kevin Federline touches his own child, looks thrilled about it
The Superficial says: Kevin Federline is still alive

Who said it best:
Defamer keeps our divorce hopes alive:

Then again, the sudden spate of image-reparative K-Fed press could just be one of the negotiated divorce settlement terms, stating that Spears must do her part to improve the guy's rep on his way out the door.

A Nanny for K-Fed

The story:
Britney hired a "babysitter" to go on tour with K-Fed and keep him out of trouble.

Image via IDLYITW

The combatants:
The Scoop says: Britney hires a babysitter - for her husband
I Don't Like You In That Way says: K-Fed has a babysitter
Defamer says: Britney Spears baby rumours: K-Fed gets a babysitter
The Superficial says: Britney Spears doesn't trust Kevin Federline

Who said it best:
The Superficial comes up with a great comparison:

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have the kind of relationship I imagine Dr. Phil and Oprah to have. Where Dr. Phil pretends to speak his mind, but knows deep down in his heart that Oprah owns his soul.