PMS? Give me a break

The story:
Nicole Richie claims that she was taking Vicodin because of menstrual cramps. And then she swatted a fly with a rocket launcher.


The combatants:
Dlisted says: Nicole Richie blames it on female trouble
Faded Youth says: Blame it on your rag
Haute Gossip says: Nicole pleads the PMS defense
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie took Vicodin for her period
Lainey Gossip says: Nicole Richie: the Aunt Flow excuse
Mollygood says: Oh Nicole! She was on the rag, that's all
Popsugar says: Nicole's lame excuse
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: Nicole Richie took the vicodin for cramps?
Tabloid Whore says: Nicole Richie blames it all on the cramps

Who said it best:
Faded Youth is tired of Nicole's excuses and has some advice:

Enough with the lies and cover-ups, Nicole! Eat a sandwich, get your ass into rehab and start talkin' the truth! We all know you're too skinny to menstrate in the first place!

85lbs and high as a kite

The story:
Nicole Richie was busted for DUI over the weekend. The booking sheet lists her as 5'1" and 85lbs.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Nicole smokes a bowl, pops some pills, drives, and gets busted
Best Week Ever says: Nicole Richie is 5'1", 85lbs of drugged-up trouble
Celebitchy says: Nicole Richie arrested for DUI
CelebNewsWire says: Nicole Richie drugs 'n drives, weighs 85lbs
Celebrity Hijinx says: Nicole Richie picked up on DUI
Defamer says: Nicole Richie latest to join in celebrity DUI craze
Dlisted says: Nicole Richie arrested for DUI
Egotastic says: Nicole Richie got is busted
Faded Youth says: Busted!
Haute Gossip says: Nicole arrested
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie arrested
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Nicole Richie got arrested
I'm Not Obsessed says: Nicole Richie arrested for DUI
Lainey Gossip says: Nicole Richie DUI
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says: DUI charges the latest big thing to hit Hollywood!
Mollygood says: Nicole Richie's ch-ch-ch-changes
Popsugar says: Nicole arrested for DUI
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: And the smiley mugshots are back
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie arrested for DUI
Tabloid Whore says: Nicole Richie arrested afte driving wrong way on 134 freeway
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Nicole Richie is under arrest

Who said it best:
According to Defamer, Nicole has one-upped her DUI contemporaries:

Nicole Richie shows the amateurs how a substance-abusing pro earns a traffic stop: according to TMZ, Richie was popped very early this morning for driving the wrong way on the 134 in Burbank after two motorists, understandably alarmed by the sight of an SUV piloted by what seemed to be an eleven-year-old girl traveling against the flow of traffic, called 911.

Image via The Smoking Gun