Stick wars

The story:
Hilary Duff referred to Nicole Richie as a skank.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Hilary Duff gets bitter and judgemental
Dlisted says: Breaking: Hilary Duff uses the word 'skank'
Faded Youth says: Hilary to Nicole: skank!
Hollywood Tuna says: Hilary Duff gets a little skanky
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie is a skank
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Nicole Richie is a skank
Popsugar says: Duff disses Nicole

Who said it best:
Dlisted thinks Hilary has the advantage in this one:

Stickfight! Hilary can totally use her horse teeth to cut Nicole in two!

Image via Gallery of the Absurd

Jail time for Stick-ole?

The story:
California law may require Nicole Richie to serve mandatory time in jail if convicted of DUI as she has a previous conviction on her record.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Nicole might go inside
Celebitchy says: Nicole Richie has an earlier DUI and could be sent to jail for 5 days
CelebNewsWire says: Get your period, go to jail
Dlisted says: Is Nicole Richie going to the big house?
Faded Youth says: Is Nicole going to the slammer?
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie might go to jail
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Nicole Richie is going to jail
Mollygood says: Nicole is (not) headed for the clink
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie has to go to jail
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: It's a Christmas miracle
Yeeeah says: Nicole Richie's DUI could mean jail time

Who said it best:
CelebNewsWire thinks the jail time will be especially tough for Richie:

Five days might not seem like a lot to you, but imagine how poor Nicole must feel facing five full days packed with carby, trans fat-filled prison food and no Blackberry access. Oh well, at least she'll be popular with the inmates; they can use her hipbone as a shiv.

PMS? Give me a break

The story:
Nicole Richie claims that she was taking Vicodin because of menstrual cramps. And then she swatted a fly with a rocket launcher.


The combatants:
Dlisted says: Nicole Richie blames it on female trouble
Faded Youth says: Blame it on your rag
Haute Gossip says: Nicole pleads the PMS defense
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie took Vicodin for her period
Lainey Gossip says: Nicole Richie: the Aunt Flow excuse
Mollygood says: Oh Nicole! She was on the rag, that's all
Popsugar says: Nicole's lame excuse
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: Nicole Richie took the vicodin for cramps?
Tabloid Whore says: Nicole Richie blames it all on the cramps

Who said it best:
Faded Youth is tired of Nicole's excuses and has some advice:

Enough with the lies and cover-ups, Nicole! Eat a sandwich, get your ass into rehab and start talkin' the truth! We all know you're too skinny to menstrate in the first place!

85lbs and high as a kite

The story:
Nicole Richie was busted for DUI over the weekend. The booking sheet lists her as 5'1" and 85lbs.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Nicole smokes a bowl, pops some pills, drives, and gets busted
Best Week Ever says: Nicole Richie is 5'1", 85lbs of drugged-up trouble
Celebitchy says: Nicole Richie arrested for DUI
CelebNewsWire says: Nicole Richie drugs 'n drives, weighs 85lbs
Celebrity Hijinx says: Nicole Richie picked up on DUI
Defamer says: Nicole Richie latest to join in celebrity DUI craze
Dlisted says: Nicole Richie arrested for DUI
Egotastic says: Nicole Richie got is busted
Faded Youth says: Busted!
Haute Gossip says: Nicole arrested
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie arrested
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Nicole Richie got arrested
I'm Not Obsessed says: Nicole Richie arrested for DUI
Lainey Gossip says: Nicole Richie DUI
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says: DUI charges the latest big thing to hit Hollywood!
Mollygood says: Nicole Richie's ch-ch-ch-changes
Popsugar says: Nicole arrested for DUI
Seriously? OMG! WFT?! says: And the smiley mugshots are back
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie arrested for DUI
Tabloid Whore says: Nicole Richie arrested afte driving wrong way on 134 freeway
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Nicole Richie is under arrest

Who said it best:
According to Defamer, Nicole has one-upped her DUI contemporaries:

Nicole Richie shows the amateurs how a substance-abusing pro earns a traffic stop: according to TMZ, Richie was popped very early this morning for driving the wrong way on the 134 in Burbank after two motorists, understandably alarmed by the sight of an SUV piloted by what seemed to be an eleven-year-old girl traveling against the flow of traffic, called 911.

Image via The Smoking Gun

PETA critiques celeb fashion

The story:
Nicole Richie topped PETA's 2006 worst dressed list.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: PETA's after Nicole Richie
Best Week Ever says: PETA picking of every tiny actress
Popsugar says: Do you agree with PETAs worst dressed?
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie pisses off PETA
Tabloid Whore says: PETA unveals 2006 worst dressed list

Who said it best:
Best Week Ever is grateful for the critique:

Nicole’s a bitch, Ashley’s anorexic, Christina has a giant forehead and Eva plays a whore on TV. If those aren’t reasons to stay away from fur, I don’t know what is. Thanks PETA!

Image via A Socialite's Life

Who could it be?

The story:
Nicole Richie posted a *blind* item on her MySpace.


The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Nicole Richie gains a few pounds and a backbone
A Socialite's Life says: I'm guessing Nicole's split with Rachel Zoe wasn't too amicable
Best Week Ever says: Anorexic finger pointing escalates to poorly worded, error-ridden MySpace blog
Celebitchy says: Nicole Richie vs. Rachel Zoe, it's on
CelebNewsWire says: "Tasty former stylist skewers" -- the closest Nicole Richie gets to food
Defamer says: Nicole Richie's MySpace blog a place for writing blind items about former friends
Dlisted says: Nicole Richie's blind item
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie posts blind item
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Rachel Zoe is a good guess
I'm Not Obsessed says: Nicole Richie vs Rachel Zoe: the battle continues
Mollygood says: Raisin lettuce face cup vs. N-rich: fight

Who said it best:
A Socialite's Life isn't really taking sides, but...:

In the stylist's defense, I have to give her some credit for making Nicole look half-way human.... Does anyone else recall a lot of pink halter tops and denim shorts way back on The Simple Life season one?

Nicole Richie looking for some style

The story:
Nicole Richie has fired her long-time stylist, hag-face Rachel Zoe.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Nicole Richie breaks up with her stylist
Dlisted says: Where is she going to get her heroin now?
Glitterati Gossip says: Nicole Richie snags Jessica Biel's stylist
Haute Gossip says: Just say GO! Go away!
Popsugar says: Nicole's fresh start
Yeeeah says: Nicole Richie fires Rachel Zoe

Who said it best:
A Socialite's Life is not a fan of Zoe's lollipop gang:

That's right, bitch. That's one less bobble-head for your Army of Tiny and Starving Soldiers of Darkness.

Stick-ole claims surgery didn't happen

The story:
Nicole Richie stated on her MySpace that she did not have gastric bypass surgery.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Nicole Richie addresses rumors on her blog
Dlisted says: Nicole Richie responds to gastric bypass rumours
Egotastic says: Nicole Richie bitches MySpace style
Haute Gossip says: Nicole responds to the not so blind item
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie goes to McDonald's
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Nicole Richie is pissed off
Mollygood says: Nicole uses MySpace to set the record straight, EMO style
Popsugar says: Nicole addresses the surgery rumours
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie denies gastric bypass
Tabloid Whore says: Nicole says she didn't do it

Who said it best:
Tabloid Whore thinks Nicole's denial is pretty crafty:

Oh Nicole, you are so sneaky! You are so good with your facts and I loves how you don't deny that you ever had gastric bypass surgery, only that you haven't had it reversed. Tee Hee! Let's go have a hamburger for the cameras!

Image via The Superficial

Is this item supposed to be blind?

The story:
Page Six's new blind item seems to point directly at Pixie Mixie Nicole Richie.

The combatants:
CelebNewsWire says: Rhymes with "Mipole Blitchie"
Dlisted says: Did Nicole Richie get gastric bypass?
Haute Gossip says: You guess, I guess
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Nicole Richie is an easy guess
Mollygood says: Total mystery you'll never guess who item
Tabloid Whore says: Gastric bypass?
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie may have had gastric bypass surgery

Who said it best:
CelebNewsWire is as stumped as the rest of us:

Damn you, New York Post! Why must you be so vague? Why couldn't you add some specific details so we could figure out this inpenetrable riddle?

Image via Mollygood

Stick-ole hits the deck

The story:
Nicole Richie reportedly collapsed while partying at Hyde over the weekend.

The combatants:
Popsugar says: Nicole Richie collapses
Tabloid Whore says: Did Nicole Richie collapse?
A Socialite's Life says: Girls gone crazy
CelebNewsWire says: Nicole Richie who does not have an eating disorder collapses
Mollygood says: Pull yourselves together girls
Celebitchy says: Nicole Richie is still partying and fainting
Dlisted says: The Richie hits the floor
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says: Nicole Richie passes out
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie collapses
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie passes out

Who said it best:
Dlisted is not overly concerned with this latest turn of events:

I’m sure Nicole passes out on a daily basis. When you don’t eat actual food that feed your body nutrients and protein this sort of thing happens.

Image via A Socialite's Life

Not even her bum is hungry

The story:
Nicole Richie checked in to rehab to see why she isn't gaining weight.


The combatants:
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie seeks weight help, is a liar
Celebrity Hijinx says: Anorexia Chronicles: excuses, excuses
Popsugar says: Nicole's in rehab but doesn't have an eating disorder
A Socialite's Life says: Nicole Richie seeks treatment for nutrition issues
Mollygood says: Nicole Richie checks herself into center for (hamburger) help(er)
Hollywood Rag says: Nicole Richie needs help eating
CelebNewsWire says: Nicole Richie gets help with chewing and swallowing
Dlisted says: Nicole Richie in a fat camp to get fat
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says: Nicole Richie is seeking treatment to gain weight
Yeeeah says: Nicole Richie doesn't have an eating disorder

Who said it best:
The Superficial ain't buying what Nicole's selling:

I'd buy that it's her metabolism or genes except that I've seen what she used to look like. Her natural state is that of rotundness. Pretending this is a medical condition is about as believable as claiming it's the work of a magical fairy named Butterscotch she found in her attic.

Image via Gallery of the Absurd

Ass flap

The story:
Nicole Richie showed some butt while table dancing at Area.


The combatants:
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie flashes her panties
Egotastic says: Nicole Richie upskirt saved by underwear
A Socialite's Life says: It's not Paris
Mollygood says: Name that. Ass Flapjack
CelebNewsWire says: Nicole Richie shocker: Ass fat!
Dlisted says: Get off the damn table!!

Who said it best:
CelebNewsWire must have read my mind:

We are shocked that Nicole Richie has enough body fat to fashion a cushion in the assal area.

Spit or swallow?

The story:
Nicole Richie took a bite of a hamburger.

Image via Tabloid Whore

The combatants:
Defamer says: Brave hamburger makes ultimate sacrifice in Nicole Richie image rehabilitation campaign
A Socialite's Life says: Hungry like the wolf
Tabloid Whore says: Anyone free for lunch?
Dlisted says: The joke that will never die: Nicole Richie eating!
Mollygood says: Nicole sort of remembers what eating is supposed to look like
Haute Gossip says: Nice try Nicole, I'm not buying it
The Gilded Moose says: Nicole Richie to play Mr Creosote in the 2046 version of 'The Meaning of Life'

Who said it best:
The Gilded Moose has a few words of advice for Nicole:

We don't want to step out of bounds here, but we're very concerned that your current behavior could lead to full kidney function in less than a year and who thinks that's sexy?

Did someone refuse to buy her a snowcone?

The story:
Nicole Richie threw water on the papparazzi outside her gym.

Image via Dlisted

The combatants:
Best Week Ever says: Nicole's water rage
I'm Not Obsessed says: Did the photographer call Nicole Richie fat?
Drunken Stepfather says: Nicole Richie is a 12-year old tranny
Dlisted says: Someone needs a cookie
Popsugar says: When Nicole attacks
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie sprays photographers
Mollygood says: Shockingly, Nicole Richie has the strength to throw water
Haute Gossip says: And to think the camera adds 10 pounds

Who said it best:
Haute Gossip has found the nutritional secret that Vanity Fair couldn't unearth:

Nicole wasted her breakfast, lunch and dinner on the paparazzi today while on her way to the gym.

Breaking up is hard to do

The story:
Nicole Richie and DJ AM confirm that they have split up again.

Image via Gallery of the Absurd

The combatants:
Celebrity Hijinx says: It's real and it's deep
Perez Hilton says: At least she's still got her cat
Defamer says: Nicole Richie and DJ AM present semi-annual breakup announcement
Popsugar says: DJ AM and Nicole split again
Dlisted says: Is this about food, or DJ AM?
A Socialite's Life says: It really is over
Best Week Ever says: Sizzler: Nicole and DJ AM split again
Tabloid Whore says: Yep. DJ AM and Nicole confirm split

Who said it best:
A Socialite's Life had the cleverest photo, Dlisted wins the headline war, but when it comes down to all over creativity, Defamer takes it:

It's difficult to say why these two potential soulmates keep parting ways--it can be something as simple as a disagreement over whether or not to raise the kids eaters

Don't pick on the toothpick

The story:
Nicole Richie discusses her "weight problems" in the latest issue of Vanity Fair.

Image via Dlisted

The combatants:
The Superficial says: Nicole Richie thinks she's too thin
Defamer says: With Vanity Fair's help, Nicole Richie ready to solve weight loss mystery
Popsugar says: Nicole admits she's too skinny
US Weekly Online says: Nicole Richie tells Vanity Fair, "I'm too thin"
Dlisted says: Nicole Richie's doctor can't lie for her ass anymore!
A Socialite's Life says: The Skinny on Nicole Richie

Who said it best:
I love Defamer's headline, and this comment:

Richie eats and eats--burritos, "salty cheese-and-grease kind of stuff," entire tubs of lard, whatever--and still her ribs persist in their attempt to escape from their fleshy jail and make a mad break for daylight.

But the win goes to Dlisted, because I think this is really what it comes down to:

Bitch stop lying, we know you don't eat shit! The only thing this chick eats is laxatives and Dexatrim.

Skank-ho bitchslaps Toothpick

Photo by Getty Images via US Weekly Online

The Story:
Paris Hilton says that Nicole Richie is just jealous of all the attention Paris receives.

The Combatants:
The Scoop says: Paris blasts Nicole as jealous and pathetic
US Weekly Online says: Note to Paris - nobody cares anymore
Popsugar says: Paris bashes Nicole
The Bosh says: Paris Hilton = Mega Bitter Bitch

Who said it best:
Honourable Mention to US Weekly for noting that nobody really cares anymore if these 2 are friends and why they aren't. However, top headline here goes to The Bosh - tell it like it is!