Who's your daddy?

The story:
Anna Nicole Smith is being forced to submit her baby to a DNA test for Larry Birkhead.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Anna Nicole's baby to find out who her real father is
Dlisted says: There is no hiding now for Anna Nicole
Faded Youth says: Who da babydaddy?
Glitterati Gossip says: Anna Nicole Smith ordered to submit daughter for paternity test
I'm Not Obsessed says: Howard K Stern is shaking in his boots

Who said it best:
Faded Youth is a little tired of Smith and her paternity drama:

My prediction? They're already on their way to a small Mexican city where we'll never hear from them again. (Coincidentally, that also my wish.)

Hell no, I won't go!

The story:
Anna Nicole Smith is refusing to leave the Bahamian home she claims was a gift from a former suitor.


The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Anna Nicole overstays her welcome
Defamer says: Anna Nicole Smith's darkest moments rendered darker by failure to pay electric bill
Dlisted says: I'm sure Anna didn't even notice
Glitterati Gossip says: Anna Nicole looks for a new house
TMZ says: The lights aren't on and Anna is home

Who said it best:
TMZ has ferreted out the real tragedy here:

Without warning, Anna had no juice for her hairdryer, no power to watch herself on "E.T." -- nothing.

Nice 'n' Easy, that's her style

The story:
Larry Birkhead claims Anna Nicole Smith dyed her baby's hair to make Dannielynne look more like Howard K. Stern.


The combatants:
CelebNewsWire says: She's saving the boob job for Dannielynne's second birthday
Celebrity Warship says: Did Anna Nicole Smith dye her baby's hair?
Celebrity Hijinx says: Hair scare
Defamer says: Anna Nicole Smith accused of subjecting infant to home hair-coloring products
The Superficial says: Anna Nicole Smith's life still going strong
Tabloid Whore says: Lawyer accuses Anna Nicole Smith of trying to trick up baby daddy with dark hair dye

Who said it best:
Celebrity Hijinx can't believe that Birkhead would even bother making this accusation:

Can I just say that I have never seen some loser try SO HARD to be the father of some other loser's child -- and that's impressive since I watch WAY too much daytime TV.

100th post dedicated to the grossly inappropriate

The story:
Anna Nicole Smith married her baby-daddy / lawyer on a yacht in Nassau (according to Star), or maybe not (according to People).

Image via Dlisted

The combatants:
Defamer says: Anna Nicole Smith doesn't like to think of it as 'losing a son' so much as 'gaining a husband'
Popsugar says: Anna Nicole gets married
A Socialite's Life says: Anna marries...
Tabloid Whore says: Sweet Jesus! Anna Nicole marries Howard K. Stern! Hold up! Scratch that!
Mollygood says: Howard K. Stern really rushed Anna Nicole to the alter there, eh?
CelebNewsWire says: We now pronounce you mentally challenged Guess model and lawyer
Celebitchy says: Anna Nicole and Howard not married, it was a "commitment ceremony"
Dlisted says: Anna Nicole Smith and Howard Stern married!!!
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says: Anna Nicole reportedly marries Lawyer
Hollywood Rag says: Anna Nicole Smith marries her lawyer

Who said it best:
CelebNewsWire has some good advice for Anna Nicole:

Far be it from us to tell people how they should mourn, but maybe some chamomile tea and a nice black one-piece would have been more appropriate.

Knocked up heiress, no not Paris

The story:
Anna Nicole Smith confirmed that she is pregnant.

Image via Tabloid Whore

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: The Anna Nicole Smith pregnancy is out of the bag
Tabloid Whore says: God help us. Yep, Anna Nicole Smith is pregnant
Best Week Ever says: Anna Nicole confirms her pregnancy
Mollygood says: Anna Nicole will demonstrate the effects of diet pills on infants
US Weekly Online says: Anna Nicole Smith pregnant with doomed child
The Superficial says: Anna Niccole Smith confirms pregnancy

Who said it best:
Mollygood finds some good news in this story:

Things are suddenly looking up for all the Frances Beans and Sean Prestons of the world, Anna Nicole Smith has finally admitted to being pregnant.