What is living in Kirsten Dunst's colon?

The story:
Kirsten Dunst purchased a Comprehensive Digestive Stool Analysis kit.

The combatants:
CelebNewsWire says: Crappy holidays from Kirsten Dunst
Dlisted says: Kiki's getting her caca checked!
Haute Gossip says: Kirsten has something stuck up her butt
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Kirsten Dunst is even more sexy
Mollygood says: Hope everything comes out ok, Kirsten
The Superficial says: Kirsten Dunst has horrible poo

Who said it best:
Dlisted thinks the kit may improve Kiki's public persona:

She’s probably been stuffed up for at least five years. That’s why she always has a frown on her mug.

Image via Dlisted

Orly and Kiki canoodle

The story:
Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst were seen canoodling at the Chateau Marmont.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Orlando and Kirsten get it on
Best Week Ever says: Doomed celeb love is "in bloom"!
CelebNewsWire says: More crazy than beautiful
Dlisted says: They kind of belong together
Egotastic says: Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom are totally doing it
Hollywood Rag says: Kirsten Dunst is dating Orlando Bloom
Mollygood says: Kirsten and Orlando happen to be standing next to each other while mutally single, relationship ensues
Popsugar says: Kirsten and Orlando's relationship blooms
The Superficial says: Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst get it on

Who said it best:
While Mollygood has the best headline, Dlisted manages to explain the hook-up:

Orlando must be a homosexual, because he has the worst taste in women.

Image via Mollygood