Since we didn't get that sex tape...

The story:
Britney Spears' first husband Jason Alexander is going to write a book about his time with the pop tart.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Britney's horrible taste in men will haunt her until the day she dies
Best Week Ever says: Britney's first poor marriage decision adorably lapping up last drops of his own relevance
Celebitchy says: Britney's first husband to write tell-all book
CelebNewsWire says: In lieu of Britney vag, we bring you Britney sex tales
Lainey Gossip says: Britney: everyone has a story
Popsugar says: Everybody's talking about Britney

Who said it best:
Celebitchy explains why Alexander decided to write the tell-all now:

He claims there’s no way he would get back with Britney again. This seems to be a turnaround from his previous statements that he still loves her. Chances are he saw her once-coveted snatch online like the rest of us.

Image via lime-light.org