Saturday, June 09, 2007

Celebutard Justice at last!

The story:
Paris Hilton has been sent back to jail to serve her full 45 day sentence.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Hilton is back at the Lynwood Hilton
A Socialite's Life says: Paris Hilton going back to jail; someone finally had a lick of sense in their head
Best Week Ever says: Paris is going back to jail!
Cele|bitchy says: Paris going back to jail!
Defamer says: Judge orders Paris back to jail, immediate halt of all cupcake deliveries
Dlisted says: Paris has to serve entire 45 days!
Egotastic says: Paris Hilton is going back to jail!!!!!
The Evil Beet says: Paris is going back to jail
Haute Gossip says: Paris slapped back in jail. This time for the full 45 days. There is a God.
Hollywood Rag says: Crying Paris Hilton goes back to the slammer
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Paris Hilton back to jail, back to 45 days minus 5
I'm Not Obsessed says: Paris Hilton is going back to jail
Lainey Gossip says: Rocky rules!!!
Popsugar says: Paris back to jail!!!!!
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Paris is going back to jail for her 45 day sentence
The Superficial says: Paris Hilton ordered back to jail
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Paris is back in jail

Who said it best:
It's hard to stop smiling long enough to pick a winner, so here are three:
Judge Sauer wasted little time in telling Paris to go directly to jail: do not go home, do not stop at Hyde for a last round of drinks. (Agent Bedhead)

Ladies and gentlemen, if life were a movie, this would be the point when you turn to your friend and say “This is the best movie ever made.” (Best Week Ever)

Some witnesses say they saw a rainbow above the courtroom. And others say they saw a giant man in the clouds with a white beard nodding his head approvingly. And 0me? Well I saw Judge Michael Sauer grow to be twelve feet tall, with muscles the size of tree trunks. And when he smiled, little cartoon hearts appeared above my head and there was a strange tingling sensation in my pants. (The Superficial)
Image via INF Photo

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Monday, February 19, 2007

Carpet, drapes, match

The story:
Britney Spears shaved her head and got a couple of new tattoos over the weekend.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Britney Spears is now bald all over
A Socialite's Life says: The unraveling of Britney Spears
Cele|bitchy says: Britney Spears loses her sh*t, hair
Celebrity Hijinx says: Britney is bald
Defamer says: Newly bald Britney Spears makes tragically unfashionable cry for help in the valley
Dlisted says: Let the ratty wig wearing begin!
Egotastic says: Britney Spears bald: she shaved her own head
Faded Youth says: Britney goes bald
Haute Gossip says: Britney's lost the plot
Hollywood Rag says: Britney Spears shaves head for a wig
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Britney Spears is a bald-headed nightmare
Lainey Gossip says: Britney: the breakdown
Mollygood says: Britney's publicist says, "F&ck it!"
Popsugar says: Britney shaves her head
The Superficial says: Britney Spears shaved her head completely bald
Tabloid Whore says: Britney Spears shaves her head
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Britney's big night out
Yeeeah says: Britney Spears is f-ing bald

Who said it best:
Everyone is speculating what brought about this latest cry for help, but Celebrity Hijinx seems to have found the answer:
Havin' hair and two kids is hard y'all.
Image via People

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Friday, January 26, 2007

No, no just no

The story:
In a story that he must have planted himself as some kind of sick twisted practical joke, George Clooney is reportedly dating Pamela Anderson.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: George Clooney hates his penis
Cele|bitchy says: George Clooney get your cootie shots!
CelebNewsWire says: Does this mean a George Clooney public face-licking is in our future?
Dlisted says: This isn't helping those gay rumors
Faded Youth says: Does George Clooney have a new beard?
Gabsmash says: Pam Anderson is dating George Clooney
The Superficial says: Pamela Anderson and George Clooney might be dating

Who said it best:
Cele|bitchy is looking on the bright side:
The only good thing about this hook-up is that we can be sure it won’t last long.
Image via Agent Bedhead

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Thursday, January 25, 2007

Kfed not even employable in fast food industry

The story:
The National Restaurant Association was insulted by Kfed's depiction of a fast food worker in an upcoming commercial to be aired during the Super Bowl.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Federline ad angers restaurant industry
A Socialite's Life says: Kevin Federline's Super Bowl ad causing drama
Celebrity Hijinx says: Fast food workers and their dying souls
Defamer says: Fast food industry bristles at suggestion that Kfed is qualified to work drive thru window
Faded Youth says: Kfed disgraces the fast food industry
Mollygood says: Federline vs Fast Food Nation
Starpulse News says: Kevin Federline commercial angers fast food workers

Who said it best:
Defamer thinks the NRA is kicking the Kfed while he's down:
Federline just can't seem to catch a break, however, as his biggest gig since, well, ever, is now under fire from a restaurant association that takes issue with the commercial's implication that a fate of flipping burgers was somehow less desirable than, say, spending your days getting baked in your birthday Lamborghini.


Paris' privates on view for $40

The story:
A new website is selling off some of Paris Hilton's belongings that were left in a storage locker, including nude photos and video.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Paris Hilton for sale
Best Week Ever says: Latest scandalous "Paris site" confirms everything we already knew about Paris Hilton
Cele|bitchy says: Paris' precious moments
CelebNewsWire says: "I got f*cked in the butt for coke!"
Defamer says: Today's opportunity to see Paris Hilton engaging in videotaped sex acts
Dlisted says: Do you really want to see Paris taking a bubble bath?
Egotastic says: Paris Hilton exposed...again
FHollywood Rag says: Paris Hilton exposed
I Don't Like You In That Way says: You can buy Paris Hilton's crap
Mollygood says: Paris Hilton overexposed
Popsugar says: Paris very very very exposed
The Superficial says: Paris Hilton gets exposed
What Would Tyler Durden Do says: Paris Hilton is for sale

Who said it best:
No need to spend the 40 bucks yourself when Best Week Ever will sum up the site's contents for you:
So there you have it - sift through a little of Paris’ trashy trash and have your minds blown by all the documented evidence suggesting that she’s kind of slutty and stupid.

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