Desperate no more

The story:
Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are engaged.

The combatants:
A Socialite's Life says: Desparate Housewife Eva getting married
Dlisted says: Tony Parker is going to regret this
Haute Gossip says: Engaged!
I'm Not Obsessed says: Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are engaged
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says: Eva Longoria and Tony Parker make marriage their first step towards divorce
Popsugar says: Eva Longoria and Tony Parker engaged!
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! says: Eva Longoria to be a desparate housewife to Tony Parker
Tabloid Whore says: Tony Parker pops the question

Who said it best:
Seriously? OMG! WTF?! is not thrilled by this announcement:

Oh no, now we are not going to stop hearing all about her wedding plans.

Image via Haute Gossip

Eva looking for rumour-monger

The story:
Eva Longoria and Beyonce will not play lesbian lovers in a movie, as previously reported.

The combatants:
Agent Bedhead says: Smiling as she rips Phin's heart out
A Socialite's Life says: Eva Longoria discredits lesbian rumor
CelebNewsWire says: Eva will not tip Beyonce's velvet
Defamer says: Eva Longoria dispels baseless rumor of making interesting career choice
Dlisted says: Beyonce and Eva are not dyking out anytime soon
Hollywood Rag says: Eva Longoria won't be Beyonce's lesbian lover
I Don't Like You In That Way says: Eva Longoria won't be tipping Beyonce's velvet
Popsugar says: Beyonce and Eva will not be lesbian lovers

Who said it best:
I Don't Like You In That Way doesn't really buy Longoria's righteous indignation:

The person(s) who started this "rumor" shouldn't be worried. Eva's lawyers were likely paid by her to track you down so they can send you a simple "Thank You" letter for keeping that boring and overexposed pseudo "sex symbol" on the radar.

Image via A Socialite's Life

Eva takes another hit

The story:

Eva Longoria was injured on the set of Desparate Housewives again, this time when she slipped on the way out of her trailer.

Image via Yeeeah

The combatants:
The Superficial says: Eva Longoria is clumsy
Defamer says: 'Desparate Housewives' demonic set not done swatting around Eva Longoria
Popsugar says: Eva follows the new celeb trend
A Socialite's Life says: Billy Bush blogs about injuring Eva Longoria
Hollywood Rag says: Eva Longoria gets bruised
Yeeeah says: Eva Longoria should be dead

Who said it best:
Yeeeah seems to have found an explanation for Eva's repeated clumsiness on set:

Somebody at ABC must have it out for her — I wouldn’t be surprised if she discovered a dead fish wrapped in newspaper on her doorstep next week. Because everybody knows the mafia hates “Desperate Housewives.” And everybody also knows that Teri Hatcher hates Eva Longoria. So the only logical conclusion here is that Teri Hatcher is actually a hired gun for the mafia.

Future housewife seriously desperate for attention

Image via Dlisted

The story:
Eva Longoria might be marrying Tony Parker, she's tired of the media focussing on her sex life, and she says she's not as dumb as we think.

The combatants:
US Weekly Online says: Woman from Giant Desert Bikini Photo Spread Wants You to Take Her Seriously
Dlisted says: Eva LongWHORIA wants us to shut up!
Perez Hilton says: No longer LongHOria?
Defamer says: Eva Longoria much smarter than anyone gives her credit for
Lainey Gossip says: Eva Longoria: would this bitch shut up???

Who said it best:
Lainey tells it like it is:

"And now that she's getting a little taste of film life, all of a sudden she's reinventing her vampy image, claiming she doesn’t understand why she's always asked about her sexual proclivities, blaming 'media spin' for turning her into a perceived horny snatch.

So now she's a 'serious' actress with something to prove? Bitch, shut the f&ck up."