Who the hell is John Mayer?

The story:
Jessica Simpson is reportedly dating John Mayer.

Image via Lainey Gossip

The combatants:
Mandy's Mind is Gossipy says: NEWSFLASH: John Mayer dating Jessica Simpson
Lainey Gossip says: Jessica and John: a love well-timed
Popsugar says: Jessica's new man
US Weekly Online says: Jessica and John: hot new romance
Dlisted says: Gross couple alert
A Socialite's Life says: Jessica Simpson and John Mayer?
Mollygood says: Jessica Simpson prefers her men a few years past their popstar prime
Celebitchy says: Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are mute lovers
Celebrity Hijinx says: A match made in queer music heaven
The Superficial says: Jessica Simpson dates Quasimodo

Who said it best:
While Mollygood comes up with the best headline, Mandy's Mind Is Gossipy wins it's debut entry:

I guess I can't complain, at least it will give me a break up story to write about sometime in the near future. Thanks Jessica, and PS. I always thought that Tuna was chicken too, so don't feel bad.